The words that I would like to use to describe myself this morning – the self talk that is rushing on me like a tsunami – are very destructive. I have gained weight AGAIN. I have taken my mind off the goal AGAIN. I have lost focus AGAIN. I have sabotaged myself AGAIN! What is WRONG with me?
If people say that they are impressed by how strong I am because I have lost so much weight, what does that mean when I don’t? Am I not strong? Are they not impressed? Who am I doing this for? Me? You? Them?
Why am I doing this? To get praise? To impress? To grow in my self confidence? To be strong? What???
STOP!!!!!!
I know why I am doing this. I want to return to a healthy place. I want to be around for my kids for a very long time. I want to be able to enjoy life with them, instead of observing them participate in their lives. I want my body to be an acceptable temple for my Father. He is the King, and he deserves so much better than I have been offering.
The praise, the accolades from my friends and family – that’s just gravy. I want to be proud of myself, and I want Abba to be proud.
OK, now I am in tears. I am talking myself through the self defeat. I am going to draw the line in the sand AGAIN. Start over AGAIN.
I’m upset at the time I have wasted, but I’m grateful for the grace that I am going to allow myself.
Kathryn Joyce, I love you. You are worth all the effort and time it takes to make yourself into the most amazing woman you can be. Come out. Be strong. Enjoy today.
Lady I love you, and whether you loose weight or gain weight you are an amazing woman. Your weight does not define the person you are. If people want to define you by the amount of weight you loose or gain, you more than likely need to lose them
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