An Easter Blessing

Maybe you’ve noticed I haven’t posted in a while. Maybe you haven’t. Life has definitely taken a crazy turn. I will get to all of those details, but I’ve GOT to use this opportunity to share how God has blessed me this weekend. “Reinventing Kathy” is going to follow this little detour in my journey. Tomorrow, details. Today, blessings.

We had three services this weekend – one last night and two today – to celebrate Easter. The choir participated in all three services. The music was incredible. I wish there were words to express the way that praising God through music completely engulfs my spirit. I think it is the purest way for me to communicate to my Father just how much I love and adore Him.

But the music was like the cherry on top, if you could even imagine that.

Before I start, let me share that one of the verses that I am claiming during my “medical detour” is Mark 5:36, when Jesus tells Jairus, “don’t be afraid, just believe.” You see, friends and family of Jairus were telling him that his daughter had already died, and that it was too late to seek the help of Christ. As humans, that’s all we see. But He knew better. Jesus looked to Jairus and said, “Jairus, don’t listen to them. Look at me. I’ve got this. You can trust me.” And it is on that promise, that I hold firm.

So, as if I needed any affirmation of God’s presence in my life, the lesson this morning centered around THIS VERSE! I could stop there and enough would have been said. Randall started working on his lessons weeks ago. He didn’t know about my stuff; but God did! God has been planning for this particular Sunday morning for weeks, for YEARS! Again, I could stop there and consider myself abundantly blessed.

Jairus was a synagogue leader. Coming to Christ could have put him at great professional risk, but he was willing to do anything to help his daughter. Do you see a parallel? God was willing to do anything to help HIS daughter. He gave me his Son. He will certainly be with me during this trial.

Later, in verse 40, Jairus’ family and friends laughed at Jesus. They were in total denial of the words he spoke. So what did Christ do? He “put them all out”. They didn’t believe Him, so He didn’t want them around. Because of their disbelief, they didn’t get to see an incredible miracle. God is going to do something incredible with me. He just wants me to believe that it’s coming.

He showed me a similar, parallel lesson on Saturday. Remember what God did with the Israelites when they didn’t believe God? Remember? He had promised them Canaan; but they were more afraid of the “giants” than they believed in God’s power. So he cast them out into the desert. He put them aside. They were not going to see his miracle.

Jesus saves. He breaks the chains that bind us. He walks with me every single minute of every single day. He is going to do amazing things in my life. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I can rest in His promise and keep my eyes focused on Him.

Just like he said, “Don’t be afraid, just believe.”

God is SO in the details

It took a lot to go to the WW meeting this morning. Given the way I was feeling, I wanted to hide behind something… anything. God had different plans. He always does. And His ways are always the best.

First, I walked in the door and was greeted with open arms, hugs, encouragement, and a wonderful verse – “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Our WW group from church has grown significantly, and the majority of the group is now going to the Saturday morning meetings. What encouragement! All I have to do is walk in the door.

Then, a member (who had been struggling, but seen recent success) talked about how she has been striving to put God first instead of her cravings. And another shared how she was very hesitant about joining WW, but she asked God to affirm her efforts. God definitely didn’t disappoint.

The meeting continued. Our leader asked me why it was important to track, especially when you “cheat”. Seriously??  Did I have painted on my forehead “I GAINED WEIGHT THIS WEEK?!”

So I answered her question, but then went on to talk about starting over. I said that the key to this whole program is knowing that you can start over at any time. You don’t have to wait for next year, next month, Monday morning, or even tomorrow morning. You can start over immediately. Unfortunately, because we live in such a pass/fail, win/lose, perfectionist society, we think that when we fail, we have to quit.

My eyes then got as big as saucers, and I clamped my hand over my mouth. Who was it that said THOSE WORDS? It couldn’t have been me. My friends immediately around me were laughing because they knew what kind of crazy, depressing week I endured.

I stood up and told the lady (who was looking for confirmation from God), “That, my friend, was the Holy Spirit. This is definitely where He wants us to be.”

God is so good. He wants to be involved with every aspect of our lives. We just have to let Him.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” – Psalm 139:14

This has gone on long enough

The words that I would like to use to describe myself this morning – the self talk that is rushing on me like a tsunami – are very destructive. I have gained weight AGAIN. I have taken my mind off the goal AGAIN. I have lost focus AGAIN. I have sabotaged myself AGAIN! What is WRONG with me?

If people say that they are impressed by how strong I am because I have lost so much weight, what does that mean when I don’t? Am I not strong? Are they not impressed? Who am I doing this for? Me? You? Them?

Why am I doing this? To get praise? To impress? To grow in my self confidence? To be strong? What???

STOP!!!!!!

I know why I am doing this. I want to return to a healthy place. I want to be around for my kids for a very long time. I want to be able to enjoy life with them, instead of observing them participate in their lives. I want my body to be an acceptable temple for my Father. He is the King, and he deserves so much better than I have been offering.

The praise, the accolades from my friends and family – that’s just gravy. I want to be proud of myself, and I want Abba to be proud.

OK, now I am in tears. I am talking myself through the self defeat. I am going to draw the line in the sand AGAIN. Start over AGAIN.

I’m upset at the time I have wasted, but I’m grateful for the grace that I am going to allow myself.

Kathryn Joyce, I love you. You are worth all the effort and time it takes to make yourself into the most amazing woman you can be. Come out. Be strong. Enjoy today.

Running…

A brief bragging moment…

September 2009, it was a HUGE effort to walk around the parking lot.  I was very, VERY out of shape.  I was in bad shape, very unhealthy.

Fast forward to today, February 2011.  I jogged for the ENTIRE 30 minutes I was on the treadmill.  That is the first time I have run the entire time.  No walking to catch my breath, just solid, consistent jogging.  I ran 2.3 miles in 30 minutes.

I’ll have a lot more to say about it later, because I feel AMAZING!  AWESOME!! UNBELIEVABLE!!!  and a little bit (LOT) proud.

I’m starting to believe I might actually become a runner.  YAY me!

Another Shot of Complete Honesty

This was a good week. I tracked everything I ate. I went to the gym six days. I logged 13+ miles. So what was the result on the scale? I gained .8 pounds. Yep.

Well, there are all kinds of things they tell you in WW to help keep going when it seems like the scale has betrayed you.

• What good you do this week, you may not see on the scale until next week.
• It could be right before that magical time of the month.
• You could just be retaining fluid from recently having too much salt.

There are all kinds of theories, suggestions, other ways to encourage you when the scale doesn’t go in the right direction. But many, many times, if I will just be honest with myself, I know exactly what happened.

I knew this week would be tough as I worked hard to get really engaged in the new Points Plus program. I tracked everything I ate – which is HUGE. I stopped assuming that I could keep up with it in my head. I even stayed within my points, but I still gained.

Frustrated for a minute because I gained, I reminded myself to be honest – at least with myself.  I know what happened. I treated myself to some chocolate chip cookie dough – several nights this last week. YUM. AND I counted the cost (Points Plus).  But seriously?!!

The WW system is about balance. I can’t use half of my point allotment with junk and expect to have the desired results. I tried it; it doesn’t work. You can’t follow the law (points) without taking into account the spirit (healthy choice guidelines).

Well, what’s done is done. I’m not going to beat myself up. I made significant progress this week. I made positive changes. It will pay off.

I Deserve It

There are more times than not that I sit down after an incredibly stressful day and think to myself, I deserve the big bowl of Mexican cheese dip. I deserve the brownie dripping with rich, creamy chocolate icing. Or what about the greasy slice of pizza dripping with that amazing melted mozzarella cheese – extra cheese at that?

It makes sense, doesn’t it? I have worked hard, been stressed, and certainly deserve to treat myself with an incredibly tasty reward. Don’t you agree?

Let’s look at a different, yet parallel scenario. I overheard a conversation with a man whose doctor had discovered a spot on his lung. Fortunately, it wasn’t cancer; but it certainly caused a scare.

This man was not a regular, habitual smoker; but he did enjoy a cigar every now and again. His doctor cautioned him against continuing the cigar habit because the next time, the concern may not be “just a spot.”

The man continues to smoke his cigars. First, he’s convincing himself that one “every now and then” isn’t going to hurt anything. And second, he tells himself (and everyone around him) that he deserves it. After a long, stressful day, he deserves to sit down and relax with a single cigar.

The cigar could cause him to have LUNG CANCER! But he DESERVES his treat, his moment of relaxation.

It sounds silly when you are talking about cancer and cigars, but isn’t it the same thing when talking about overeating and heart disease, diabetes, and all the other problems brought on by obesity.

The choice is clear. I’m going to die someday, but it’s not going to be because I chose food over my health.

What do I want?

What do I want? I want doughnuts, chips, pizza, and chocolate. I want cheese dip, nachos, and milk shakes. I want to eat what I want, when I want it. But I also want to be THIN. THIN. THIN. OK, I’ll say the “correct” words – I want to be HEALTHY.

Seriously? The truth is I want to be beautiful – on the OUTSIDE!!

I want people to notice me, to say to themselves, “she looks good!” I’m not talking about the people who know me and comment that I look good compared to what I used to look like. I want to be stunning. Seriously, who doesn’t?

I want to realize the dream of that insecure little girl inside me who wants to be beautiful.

OK, now that I’ve had my selfish rant, what do I really, REALLY want? Well, that’s it. I want to be beautiful. But do I want it more than the instant gratification of that mouthful of food?

Most of the time, the answer is yes. I just have to keep remembering my target and make it my primary focus.

And don’t anybody get all worried about my getting too focused on the exterior. I know what’s important. I’ve got my head on straight. But let’s be honest, who doesn’t think about being beautiful, amazingly, stunningly beautiful, every now and then?