God is SO in the details

It took a lot to go to the WW meeting this morning. Given the way I was feeling, I wanted to hide behind something… anything. God had different plans. He always does. And His ways are always the best.

First, I walked in the door and was greeted with open arms, hugs, encouragement, and a wonderful verse – “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Our WW group from church has grown significantly, and the majority of the group is now going to the Saturday morning meetings. What encouragement! All I have to do is walk in the door.

Then, a member (who had been struggling, but seen recent success) talked about how she has been striving to put God first instead of her cravings. And another shared how she was very hesitant about joining WW, but she asked God to affirm her efforts. God definitely didn’t disappoint.

The meeting continued. Our leader asked me why it was important to track, especially when you “cheat”. Seriously??  Did I have painted on my forehead “I GAINED WEIGHT THIS WEEK?!”

So I answered her question, but then went on to talk about starting over. I said that the key to this whole program is knowing that you can start over at any time. You don’t have to wait for next year, next month, Monday morning, or even tomorrow morning. You can start over immediately. Unfortunately, because we live in such a pass/fail, win/lose, perfectionist society, we think that when we fail, we have to quit.

My eyes then got as big as saucers, and I clamped my hand over my mouth. Who was it that said THOSE WORDS? It couldn’t have been me. My friends immediately around me were laughing because they knew what kind of crazy, depressing week I endured.

I stood up and told the lady (who was looking for confirmation from God), “That, my friend, was the Holy Spirit. This is definitely where He wants us to be.”

God is so good. He wants to be involved with every aspect of our lives. We just have to let Him.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” – Psalm 139:14

This has gone on long enough

The words that I would like to use to describe myself this morning – the self talk that is rushing on me like a tsunami – are very destructive. I have gained weight AGAIN. I have taken my mind off the goal AGAIN. I have lost focus AGAIN. I have sabotaged myself AGAIN! What is WRONG with me?

If people say that they are impressed by how strong I am because I have lost so much weight, what does that mean when I don’t? Am I not strong? Are they not impressed? Who am I doing this for? Me? You? Them?

Why am I doing this? To get praise? To impress? To grow in my self confidence? To be strong? What???

STOP!!!!!!

I know why I am doing this. I want to return to a healthy place. I want to be around for my kids for a very long time. I want to be able to enjoy life with them, instead of observing them participate in their lives. I want my body to be an acceptable temple for my Father. He is the King, and he deserves so much better than I have been offering.

The praise, the accolades from my friends and family – that’s just gravy. I want to be proud of myself, and I want Abba to be proud.

OK, now I am in tears. I am talking myself through the self defeat. I am going to draw the line in the sand AGAIN. Start over AGAIN.

I’m upset at the time I have wasted, but I’m grateful for the grace that I am going to allow myself.

Kathryn Joyce, I love you. You are worth all the effort and time it takes to make yourself into the most amazing woman you can be. Come out. Be strong. Enjoy today.