Up and Down, AGAIN…

The roller coaster ride continues. I weighed in Saturday morning and gained 1.6 pounds. Of course I did. Why not? The week before I had lost 2.2 pounds. It’s been the same thing week after week after week since September 25, when I crossed the 80-pound mark.

What is going on in my head? For weeks, I have felt myself losing focus.

For the first time ever, I wanted to turn around and leave the WW meeting – before it even got started. But I stayed. I’m going to continue hanging on – even if it feels like a thread.

I’m not sure where I’m at mentally. Wherever it is, I don’t like where I am. Despite it all, I remain hopeful that I will get through to the other side, and come out victorious – and hopefully thinner and healthier.

I’m going to take a break from the scale. Christmas and New Years are both on Saturday, so there won’t be meetings or weigh-ins for the next two weeks. Yes, I could weigh on another day; but I want to take the focus away from the scale – take a chance to clear my head.

The Blessing of an Upset Stomach

This morning, I am sick to my stomach. And I’m actually glad. If you recall, last night I had myself a little (LARGE) junk food feast. No reason, just because.

This morning, I am sick. My body is telling me it doesn’t like how I treated it, and that is WONDERFUL.

The old me could have eaten handfuls of cookies, candy, chips, you name it, and kept right on going. I might have felt sluggish, but not sick.

So for now, I am grateful that my body is stepping up and fighting for what is best for me – even when my head doesn’t want to make the right decisions.

Sometimes, you’ve just got to look for the small blessings. And this morning, it’s an upset stomach.

Excuses and a Clean Slate

I am totally disgusted with myself. And I’m disappointed in my progress. Once I got really honest with myself and looked at why I wasn’t making any progress, my disgust grew.

Back in September – a LLLLOOOONNNNNGGGGG time ago – I reached the 80 pound mark. What a day! What joy, enthusiasm and pride. So what did I do then? From my progress, it looks as if I have fizzled out.

I am slowly returning to my old ways. For example, I SERIOUSLY overate on junk food tonight – to the point that I felt horrible; I felt pain, even nausea. Nathan came down to the den and sat next to me on the couch with a big bag of M&M’s. I felt incredibly YUCKY, yet I still had to have a handful (or two) of candy. SERIOUSLY?!

I think I have been doing junk like that for a couple of weeks – probably many weeks. That’s why I am still hovering between 83 and 84 pounds.

I’ve got to get my head back on straight – and sooner than later – before my weight starts moving in the opposite direction.

I can make up all sorts of reasons (excuses) – having been sick, oral surgery, Christmas concert, basketball, work, Christmas shopping, the new program – you name it. But none of that counts. I’ve got to learn how to make healthy choices even during the less-than-normal times. I mean, really, how much of life actually falls under “normal”.

I feel like I’ve lost my motivation. I feel like I’m slipping. I look forward to the time when I am on the other side of this desert so I can go back to encouraging other people.

OK, here we go. Starting over right this very minute. Not waiting until tomorrow or even next week. Doing it NOW.

A Stressful Start to Change

Please allow me a momentary rant. Then I will be on my way.

This morning was to be my introduction to WW’s new PointsPlus program. While I have been a bit anxious, I was trying to remain optimistic. Like I said, there are some things I had already heard about the program that were exciting.

But then I got to the meeting.

First, the place was MOBBED. One lady commented that it was like Black Friday all over again. It reminded me of church on Easter and Christmas. Everybody came to the meeting. People who hadn’t been coming for months came to the meeting.  Apparently it has been like that all week.

I get it. Everyone wants to hear the details on the new program. But good grief. If you haven’t been regularly coming to the meetings, you don’t need to be first in line.

Then, stuff was already sold out. Again, I get it. Everyone is excited and wants all of the new stuff. Poor Margaret (our leader) she was playing traffic cop and having to decide who got the “last one”. Fortunately, people were pretty patient. But seriously, If I wanted to battle the crowds over the last one of something, I would have gone out shopping last Friday at 4 in the MORNING!

OK, so I make it to the front of the line – after the meeting has already started. Another frustration for me. I WANT TO LEARN THE NEW PROGRAM!

I gained 1.8 pounds. Not a very good way to usher in the new era.

OK, all that is out of my system.

I AM going to eat a breakfast that is probably not the best (according to WW), but I will count ALL of the points, and I will be honest.

I am NOT going to quit. This is my life. My new way towards a healthier, stronger me.

I will set aside some time today to calmly review all of my new materials. I will learn. I will focus. The new attention this is going to require is going to give me a jump-start towards the new year and ultimately reaching my goal.

The goal for 2010 – to reach 100 pounds. It doesn’t look like I’m going to get there. But I am a lot closer than I was in January.

Tomorrow, PointsPlus

Well, it’s been a week since Weight Watchers announced their PointsPlus program, an updated way to count points, a method that is focused on current nutrition knowledge. We’ve been waiting a long time for the big announcement, even trying to trip up our leader into sharing some details. Not even one hint.

I’ve even been snooping around the internet for hints about the new program. While the details were a very well kept secret, we did find out a bit of information – the most exciting of which was that all fruits and vegetables (except starchy veggies like potatoes and corn) were going to be zero points.

Very exciting. Or so I thought.

While I haven’t yet been to my WW meeting to get the low down, my e-tools account has already been refigured.

EVERYTHING has to be recalculated – every single thing. I’ve been doing this for 18 months. Yes, I’ve gotten a little comfortable – ok, a LOT comfortable. Now, I’m going to have to start thinking again about what I eat.

I have been coasting along this week – halfway counting my points using the old method and the other time trying to convert to the new program. But tomorrow, I step up to the plate. Well, I actually step ON the scale.

After tomorrow, I have no excuses. I can’t claim that I don’t know. I will have to start over.

To be honest, I’m a little bit anxious. I’ve spent the last year paying close attention to calories, fat, and fiber. Tomorrow, that all goes out the window. My focus will shift to protein, fiber, carbs, and fat. It’s a very, very different mindset.

It’s supposed to work. I’m certain WW would not spend all the money they have if they weren’t certain of the science behind the method.

It’s time again to plan, evaluate, and make deliberate decisions.