Yay Me!!!

Finally!! I have passed the 60 pound mark!! 60.8 pounds to be exact and I am VERY PROUD OF MYSELF!!!

The move from 50 to 60 pounds has been excruciatingly painful. On February 5, my weight loss reached 50 pounds. That was thirteen weeks ago. Thirteen weeks! The longest thirteen weeks that I can remember. But I've done it. I've moved beyond the dreaded 50's. Now I can move on.

When I reached 50, it was weird. I was excited, but it was such a milestone that I was left wondering, "Now what?" It had an odd effect on me mentally. I still can't explain it. I wasted so much time wandering about. I still wanted to lose. I continued trying to lose, but not with the focus that I had previously. After all, I'd already achieved a lot.

From these last few weeks, I've learned that once I reach a goal, I have to IMMEDIATELY set the next one. If I don't, I will flounder around with no real direction. But with a specific goal, I have a place I want to be – something to work towards.

So I'm going to walk the walk and set a specific goal. I'm even going to share it. My next milestone will come at 82 pounds. Odd number? No worries. It means something to me, and it will be the third major tier of my overall journey.

But that goal is for tomorrow. For today, I'm going to enjoy where I am. I'm proud of myself – a feeling that's been a long time coming.

Blessings from Friends

Friends make life enjoyable. I am blessed to have so many people who care about me and about my well being. Today, I got to see several people for whom I care a lot about – people that I haven't seen for several months. And they were all so encouraging to me! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Today I learned that there are quite a few people following my journey through this blog. How awesome is that! I am hopeful that the steps I take can bless each and every one of you in some small way.

As someone who has, for most of her life, wanted to write, it is a RUSH for people to say that they are reading my stuff. SWEET!!

It was also nice for those same people to notice that I have changed – that I am getting smaller. Yes, I know I still have a long way to go, but I'm going to enjoy the successes I am having along the way. Thank you ALL for the encouragement.

People are often hesitant to tell someone that they look good because they have lost weight. I can see how the wrong words could hurt someone's feelings. But good grief, there's so much negative in the world, let's just give out compliments when we can. And when you're given a compliment, accept it. It feels good. Enjoy it – especially if it is from losing weight. I promise you that you deserve it.

Anyway, I just wanted to take a moment to say thanks to all the people who have, and continue to, encourage me along my journey.

And while I'm at it, this blog is interactive. Feel free to make a comment, share a thought, or ask a question. You never know who you might encourage as you walk along your own path. We can walk, and grow, together.

Life's too short not to enjoy your journey.

Head Trash

I had a sweet, sweet friend tell me that she had fallen off her diet and couldn't get her head around getting back on track. I felt bad for her. I wish I had some magic words to help her.

I started thinking about how hard it is to get into the mindset to "go on a diet".

THEN, I hoped that I could keep focused long enough to meet my goals.

And FINALLY, I came to realize that this is my entire life. I'm going to have to learn how to live within these new rules – FOREVER!

To be honest, that thought really sucks. It all translates to no more Mexican cheese dip, chips, or fajitas. It means no more deep dish pizza. No more fried chicken, yeast rolls, ice cream, carrot cake. You name it. My life is going to be a life of complete and total deprivation.

Seriously??? Do you see how quickly my thoughts deteriorated to something destructive? Ok, Kathy, get a grip. Play the GOOD tapes.

This new lifestyle is about making better choices. I can have anything I want, as long as I have it in moderation. And, my life – going forward – is no longer going to be dictated by FOOD. It is going to be about making great memories for me, my family, and my friends. I MUST take control of my thoughts and my decisions and get healthy.

What about my friend? What can I offer to help her get back on track? To help her start those good tapes playing in her own head?

Focus on making a single decision that moves you toward your goal. You don't have to be perfect and make all the right decisions, right out of the gate or any time. Just make one simple change. And the next day, the next week, the next month – keep making changes. It's all about moving forward. It's about the journey. It's about YOU, caring enough about YOU.

Let's all stop trying to be perfect. Let's simply make tomorrow a little better than today.

Focus on Dairy

As I have chosen Weight Watchers to help me heal my body, I think it's about time that I followed the process in its entirety. It doesn't do me any good to stay within my points if I don't eat the right kinds of foods. Nor would it do me any long-term good to eat the right kinds of foods if I were going to sit on my butt all day long. And even exercise cannot be the stand-alone piece of the puzzle that returns me to health.

A key piece of Weight Watchers is eating the right combination of foods. There are good health guidelines to include liquids, dairy, fruits, vegetables, vitamins, whole grains, good oils, and proteins on a daily basis. Leaning on one area and ignoring another will not bring me to a sustainable level of health.

Liquids are the easiest for me. I'm supposed to have 6-8 eight ounce glasses of liquid each day. And since that doesn't necessarily have to be water, I have ABSOLUTELY no problem here. I am a heavy drinker – Diet Coke is my constant companion. Yes, I drink too many; but right now, let's consider this area covered. I'll work on the "water switch" later.

Then comes Dairy – 2-3 portions daily. I haven't been doing so well here. I don't care for milk; and unfortunately, a daily serving of Mexican cheese dip isn't such a good idea. I definitely need help in this area.

So, this week, I am going to focus on dairy. I'm going to make a strong effort to increase my daily servings and to make changes that I can live with on a long-term basis. Here are a few ideas and each count as a single serving:

Weight Watchers ice cream – they have some amazing flavors. My favorites are the cookies and cream chocolate ice cream bar and the round chocolate ice cream sandwich. Yes, I love chocolate. And these two items are so good that I don't think about the fact that I'm not at Cold Stone Creamery having something decadent, yet incredibly fattening.

Laughing Cow low-fat cheese wedges – my favorite is garlic and herb, eaten in the middle of the afternoon with some pretzels. There are several other flavors; and these can be added to a sandwich, spread on whole-wheat crackers, or even used to disguise the crunchy raw mini carrot. (I LOVE carrots, but cooked please!!)

Yogurt, the low fat version, of course – There are so many different varieties of yogurt that there shouldn't be any opportunity for boredom to creep in. Flavors range from mixed, exotic, or tropical fruits to popular pies (Boston cream, key lime, chocolate mousse).

If you have other suggestions for adding dairy to my daily life, I'm all ears.

Nature’s Checks and Balances

From guest blogger Tracy -

Plateau is such a dirty word. But really, they are life-giving. Life-affirming. Life-saving. It is your body asking the questions, "Are you sure? Do you mean it? Is this REALLY a good idea? Are you committed to this plan?" Etc.

Evolution has taught our bodies all about the downfalls of starvation. And so, every once in awhile, your body "checks in" to make sure you aren't starving to death, slows down your weight loss, and "rests", even "catches its breath" if you will. Nature knows what survival of the fittest is all about.

So, now what? Here you are. Stuck. Which feels an awful lot like the split second before you start rolling back down the big hill you just climbed. Reframe that thought. You are regrouping, reformulating the plan, reenergizing for the next big climb. You are teaching, training and encouraging your mind and body to accept this new body reality.

We all know the suggestions for how to break a plateau. And they are ALL relevant and helpful. Exercise more: which can mean more time, more intensity, more variety. Evaluate what you are REALLY eating: Again, are you eating more, eating less, those choices are also affected by the healthiness of your food choices. I won't list out that other plateau-possibilities, because most of us can recite them ad nauseum. Our own little excuse/blame mantra for why we are "stuck".

I would like to propose the following. I am not on a plateau. My body is adjusting to the new me. The new number of calories I actually need to survive. The new number of calories I burn even when at rest. My metabolism is refiguring, well, everything. And I am going to take this time to restructure and reevaluate what it takes to move this new, improved, "lesser" me forward.

So, thank you body. Thank you for bringing me this far along my journey. Of course you may rest for a moment. I'll be right here making good choices, and when you've caught your breath, we shall step out together again. I am sitting on a metaphorical bench, ready to resume this journey I have begun with my renewed body.

These words are typed with an infusion of love, power, and energy for my wonderful friend, Kathy.

Hugs, TLC

Rejoice when you face trials

I work hard to be grateful for whatever God allows in my path – even in the "winter" of my weight loss process. It's tough when you feel like you are working hard/following the rules and seeing no reward. Weight Watchers calls is a plateau. (I still HATE that word.)

Thankfully, today's Bible verse was perfectly applicable and incredibly timely, "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance." –Romans 5:3

A plateau is defined as a sudden slowing, or even stoppage, of weight loss. It's frustrating because you feel like you are doing everything correctly, but you see no results. You exercise. You watch what you eat. But still, no consistent forward progress.

I've been wandering through my own plateau; honestly, it feels like I am stumbling around in a dry, hot, lonely desert.

One week I gain; the next I lose. It's 2 pounds off; then 1 pound back on. One-half pound off, then 1.4 pounds on. It continued until I started to lose confidence. (Unfortunately, I didn't have THAT much confidence to begin with.) I got to the point where I was literally afraid to weigh. So, what to do?

There comes a point where you have a choice to make. Do you give up and resort back to your old ways – the times when you would comfort yourself with mounds of cookies, chips, chocolate, doughnuts, you name it? It is incredibly easy to turn back.

OR, do you continue working the plan?

Look back at today's verse. Problems and trials help me develop endurance.

Endurance is exactly what I need. If I am going to turn my life completely around, if I am going to change from being lazy and gluttonous to being healthy, active and thin, then I am going to need to endure. Let's be honest, being healthy is the benefit; but being thinner is a prize.

Endure the temptations. Endure the doubt. Endure the difficulty of making better choices. Endure myself all the way to the point where ENDURANCE turns into ENJOYMENT.

Are you truly happy?

Last night a television show caught my eye – a talk show discussing "The Fat Debate". What I witnessed was enough to write several articles – a LOT of drama and sensationalism. I am going to focus on one thing that has weighed heavily on my heart.

I didn't post yesterday because what I initially wanted to say would have come across incredibly mean-spirited. I have spent a lot of time thinking about this and even talked about it with a couple of close friends. Even now, I don't have the answers; at least I don't have answers for anyone except for me.

I don't want to spend time reviewing the show's topic, nor the merits of either side's arguments. I want to point out something that I find incredibly sad.

There were several women that were very obese who stood up and proclaimed to the world that they were perfectly content with their bodies. These ladies said that they were satisfied with where they were physically. One went as far as saying that she had never had any physical challenges because of her weight.

My initial response? Liar. (Told you it was brutal.) Still today, I find it hard to believe those people are being honest with themselves.

I have struggled with this all day today. I ask forgiveness in advance from anyone that I offend.

I've asked several people their thoughts and have had answers all across the board. But one comment seemed to get to the heart of the matter: "Ask any one of those women what they would choose if I could snap my fingers and immediately make them a healthy size 12." The number is not significant. It is the fact that almost anyone would choose a smaller, healthier size – IF they could have it immediately, without any effort.

I suspect that we tell ourselves we are satisfied or content with our bodies as a coping mechanism. It is VERY HARD to change a lifestyle, especially one that has been around for years – especially in a society that is all about the immediate and the short term. I am not pointing any finger, except to myself.

I had allowed myself to get to the point where I was having heart palpitations – to the point of having several thousands of dollars on heart tests. My asthma was getting worse. Both my blood pressure and cholesterol were at levels that required daily medication. Walking up a flight of stairs left me completely winded. I couldn't play outside with my kids because I had zero energy. I know, although no one would admit it to my face, people thought of me as lazy. My intelligence, determination, and work ethic were discounted because of my physical appearance. How on earth could I, could anyone, be happy with that?

Yet I convinced myself that I was. I think it was because I convinced myself that nothing could be done. So seriously, if nothing was going to change, I might as well find a way to be content in my circumstance. THAT, my friends, is NOT being happy. It is settling and it is selling yourself short.

I deserve better. We ALL deserve better.

Visual Reminders

If you have any serious amount of weight to lose, like I do (did, but still do), it's sometimes easy to lose sight of the successes you have had. The ultimate goal seems so incredibly FAR away. Losing momentum can be fatal.

Since this whole thing is about my not only losing weight, but also rebuilding a stronger, more in-control woman, I must CONSTANTLY remind myself that I am making progress.

Very early in this process, I started building my beautiful paper clip chain. Tracy gave me a big box of brightly colored paper clips along with this suggestion. Every pound I lose, I add a paper clip to the chain. Over time, the chain gets longer and longer, and I get smaller and smaller. And every time I see the chain, I smile and say to myself (because positive self-talk is critical) "You go girl! You're doing it!" I find that I am actually starting to be proud of myself – something that hasn't happened for a very long time.

I hung the paper clip chain in my office in a spot that is also visible to everyone who visits me. I'm very fortunate because many of the people with whom I work really care about my success. When they see my growing chain, they are quick to tell me how proud they are of me.

The down side? It really sucks when I have to take a paper clip OFF. It is really, really hard; but I have to be honest enough to remove a clip if I gain a pound.

Another thing I started, again at the suggestion of Tracy, was my vanishing LEGO man. Tracy told me about a friend of hers who built a wall of LEGO pieces. Each pound she lost, she took a block off the wall.

I took the idea to Nathan, my resident LEGO expert, and asked him to build me a wall of 100 blocks (my goal for 2010). Of course he balked, "Mama, that's a LOT of LEGOs! (This from the boy who has literally thousands of LEGOs.)

Eventually, in a moment of untold kindness (I think it was Valentine's Day) he built a man – head and shoulders – of exactly the number of pounds I have yet to lose this year. So, this man can disappear as I shed the pounds.

The trick here is that my boss, who has to fiddle with something/anything/everything on my desk, is continually rebuilding my man. I think he's finally gotten the idea that I may break his fingers if he does it again. (He's also been incredibly encouraging, so he can have a pass on the LEGO man.)

Lastly is a pre-kid picture of myself that I keep in my office. It's not because I thought I looked particularly special; it is because I know how I FELT during that time. I could do anything that I put my mind to. I wasn't afraid to try. I believed in my own abilities. I was confident.

I'm looking to bring that person back.

Krispy Kreme Doughnuts

REALLY?! People should NOT be allowed to bring into a meeting something as tempting as Krispy Kreme doughnuts. I mean, seriously, how rude!!!

It's times like this when the dark side of my mind takes over, urging me to put unhealthy and unwanted foods in my mouth. I'm not hungry. But it looks yummy. Everyone else is eating. And I want some too! I'm deserving. I'm sick of being left out. Sigh…

OK, I'm done whining.

Do you see how much of this is a mind game? What, of the above self talk, had anything to do with a healthy lifestyle?

What SHOULD I be asking/telling myself?

First, I need to realize that what I feed myself does not, in any way, determine my worth. I am incredibly special. I could come up with many reasons why I am deserving of honor – not the least of which is that my Father is the Creator of the Universe. Maybe that doesn't mean that much to you, but it has gotten me over quite a few hurdles. If God thinks I am special, then I am. Case closed.

It's all about choices, and I control what choices I make. I am a strong woman, and making better food choices makes me stronger.

The food might taste really good for a minute. However, the guilt and the defeat are going to be with me for a while. I may work passed the guilt today, but Friday (when I weigh) I'll be reminded again of the bad decision I made. Fortunately, I have been at this long enough to know that a strong showing on Fridays feels better than anything tastes. Yes, even Mexican cheese dip.

And after a while you get to buy new clothes, in smaller sizes. And THAT, my friends, is an incredible feeling that stays with you.

But, above all else, the most important thing I have to keep telling myself is that I am WORTH IT. I am worth healthy choices. I am worth doing what is right for me. I am worth investing in myself. I have a lot to offer this world. So, I am worth it.

And so are you.

Choosing an appropriate path…

There are probably as many ways to lose weight as there are channels on my television.

I've tried all sorts of diets. There's been the one where you purchase pre-packaged meals, liquid fasts, soup only, low fat, low protein, and cutting out all sorts of specific items – bread, sugar, carbs. You get the picture. I even went down a road I am not very proud of – bulimia.

Each method worked for me; unfortunately, the benefits were only temporarily. You see, none of these actually focused on the things that make up a healthy diet.

I chose Weight Watchers primarily because it is designed to help its members train themselves to maintain a new, well rounded, healthy lifestyle. I'm learning that it is just as important to have dairy as it is to have fiber. My body needs fruits and vegetables just as much as it needs protein. And, last but certainly not least, I've got to get up and move.

For me to return to my healthy self, I've got to integrate all of these things into my life. I can't "not eat" my way into a healthy body. Nor can I exercise my way there.

It's all about balance. This time, I'm going to make it.

One-of-a-kind friend

There have been many, many people who have encouraged me in this journey. Many people have cheered with me when I lost weight and encouraged me when I felt like I wanted to give up. There will be many stories to tell about the people along the way. However, first, I must thank Tracy.

Tracy has walked, literally, every step of this journey with me. Fortunately for me, she will stop at nothing to get my attention and keep my head in the right place. Don't believe me? Let me tell you about Friday.

I went to weigh in, as I do every Friday morning. We had started walking again (finally the weather cooperated) so I was very, VERY confident that I would be successful and meet my next goal. But the scales had another idea. I gained a pound. A POUND!!!

That may not seem like much, but this has been an incredibly tough winter. I've had weeks where I've lost several pounds and weeks where I've gained - but never any consistent move toward my goal. Last week, I only lost 0.4 pound. I just KNEW that I was going to shake passed this "plateau" (a word I have come to hate) and start making forward progress.

Alas, that wasn't to be. And I was extremely discouraged. Not enough to quit, but enough that I felt weak. Like a failure. Like I couldn't be successful no matter how hard I worked. Isn't it amazing how one tiny little failure explodes in our minds to atomic proportions? Crazy!

Enter Tracy. She also weighed in and stuck around to see how I did. I got my results. I wasn't too happy. Tracy hugged me and muttered some encouraging words. The stuff you hear from EVERYBODY. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I told her I was okay and headed out to my car. But I wasn't; and she knew it.

She called me over and we talked a little more. I was thinking that the words come easy for Tracy. She's MUCH smaller, petite – especially compared to me. It's easy for a thin person to tell a fat person to keep focused, to keep working the plan.

I think she realized her words were bouncing off me, and she needed something drastic to get my attention. So Tracy did as Tracy does – something dramatic that no one else would ever consider doing.

Now before I tell you, remember that we are in the MIDDLE OF THE PARKING LOT!!!

She pulls her pants down passed her knees (yes, she had some pajama boxers on) and shook her thigh and exclaimed, "Look at all this cellulite, woman!!! I still have a LONG way to go!" Then she reminded me that we each have different goals, and the point of this entire thing was for each of us to be healthy.

Point taken. See how much she loves me?

I love you too, sis.

Starting a New Journey....

In July 2009, I started, hopefully for the last time, my weight loss journey. One of the things I discovered early on in the process was that the more I read about weight loss and healthy living, the more encouraged I was to follow my plan. There are a LOT of books written on the subject of weight loss. Unfortunately, the majority of them are about what to eat and what not to eat. I didn't want to read books about FOOD. Good grief, that's what got me to where I am in the first place!

In my opinion, the good books are the ones that help you wrap your mind around what you are trying to achieve and why. I'm not talking about help identifying some crazy event that may or may not have happen in my past that caused this to happen to me. I don't want to blame my circumstances on anyone but me. I made poor choices that brought me to this place in life. I am responsible.

My parents didn't do this to me. Neither my husband nor my children caused this. And, no, God didn't bring this on me. I walked this path. I could have chosen a different path, but I didn't.

While God didn't cause me to be fat (man that's hard to write… FAT), HE can certainly use my current situation to His glory. I'm not going to get preachy, but you have to know that I believe that God will take my junk and work it for good. He promised he would!

Anyway, back to the books. There aren't many good books that talk about how stinking hard it is to lose weight. And people rarely talk about the trash that runs around your brain. I am learning that in order to change my lifestyle to one that is healthy, good not only to me, but also my family, I have got to win the WAR in my brain.

To that end, I am going to start sharing where I have been and where I am going. I want to share what I have learned and what I continue to learn. Maybe, just maybe, I can help just one person turn their life around. Plus, when I have the kind of week I have had this week, I want to have something to look back on and realize that stuff isn't as bad as I think.

Eventually, I may share the numbers. But for now, you're going to have to trust that I've won some battles. Yes, I've lost some as well. But for now, I just want to share. There. I've done it. I've started my blog.