Up and Down, AGAIN…

The roller coaster ride continues. I weighed in Saturday morning and gained 1.6 pounds. Of course I did. Why not? The week before I had lost 2.2 pounds. It’s been the same thing week after week after week since September 25, when I crossed the 80-pound mark.

What is going on in my head? For weeks, I have felt myself losing focus.

For the first time ever, I wanted to turn around and leave the WW meeting – before it even got started. But I stayed. I’m going to continue hanging on – even if it feels like a thread.

I’m not sure where I’m at mentally. Wherever it is, I don’t like where I am. Despite it all, I remain hopeful that I will get through to the other side, and come out victorious – and hopefully thinner and healthier.

I’m going to take a break from the scale. Christmas and New Years are both on Saturday, so there won’t be meetings or weigh-ins for the next two weeks. Yes, I could weigh on another day; but I want to take the focus away from the scale – take a chance to clear my head.

The Blessing of an Upset Stomach

This morning, I am sick to my stomach. And I’m actually glad. If you recall, last night I had myself a little (LARGE) junk food feast. No reason, just because.

This morning, I am sick. My body is telling me it doesn’t like how I treated it, and that is WONDERFUL.

The old me could have eaten handfuls of cookies, candy, chips, you name it, and kept right on going. I might have felt sluggish, but not sick.

So for now, I am grateful that my body is stepping up and fighting for what is best for me – even when my head doesn’t want to make the right decisions.

Sometimes, you’ve just got to look for the small blessings. And this morning, it’s an upset stomach.

Excuses and a Clean Slate

I am totally disgusted with myself. And I’m disappointed in my progress. Once I got really honest with myself and looked at why I wasn’t making any progress, my disgust grew.

Back in September – a LLLLOOOONNNNNGGGGG time ago – I reached the 80 pound mark. What a day! What joy, enthusiasm and pride. So what did I do then? From my progress, it looks as if I have fizzled out.

I am slowly returning to my old ways. For example, I SERIOUSLY overate on junk food tonight – to the point that I felt horrible; I felt pain, even nausea. Nathan came down to the den and sat next to me on the couch with a big bag of M&M’s. I felt incredibly YUCKY, yet I still had to have a handful (or two) of candy. SERIOUSLY?!

I think I have been doing junk like that for a couple of weeks – probably many weeks. That’s why I am still hovering between 83 and 84 pounds.

I’ve got to get my head back on straight – and sooner than later – before my weight starts moving in the opposite direction.

I can make up all sorts of reasons (excuses) – having been sick, oral surgery, Christmas concert, basketball, work, Christmas shopping, the new program – you name it. But none of that counts. I’ve got to learn how to make healthy choices even during the less-than-normal times. I mean, really, how much of life actually falls under “normal”.

I feel like I’ve lost my motivation. I feel like I’m slipping. I look forward to the time when I am on the other side of this desert so I can go back to encouraging other people.

OK, here we go. Starting over right this very minute. Not waiting until tomorrow or even next week. Doing it NOW.

A Stressful Start to Change

Please allow me a momentary rant. Then I will be on my way.

This morning was to be my introduction to WW’s new PointsPlus program. While I have been a bit anxious, I was trying to remain optimistic. Like I said, there are some things I had already heard about the program that were exciting.

But then I got to the meeting.

First, the place was MOBBED. One lady commented that it was like Black Friday all over again. It reminded me of church on Easter and Christmas. Everybody came to the meeting. People who hadn’t been coming for months came to the meeting.  Apparently it has been like that all week.

I get it. Everyone wants to hear the details on the new program. But good grief. If you haven’t been regularly coming to the meetings, you don’t need to be first in line.

Then, stuff was already sold out. Again, I get it. Everyone is excited and wants all of the new stuff. Poor Margaret (our leader) she was playing traffic cop and having to decide who got the “last one”. Fortunately, people were pretty patient. But seriously, If I wanted to battle the crowds over the last one of something, I would have gone out shopping last Friday at 4 in the MORNING!

OK, so I make it to the front of the line – after the meeting has already started. Another frustration for me. I WANT TO LEARN THE NEW PROGRAM!

I gained 1.8 pounds. Not a very good way to usher in the new era.

OK, all that is out of my system.

I AM going to eat a breakfast that is probably not the best (according to WW), but I will count ALL of the points, and I will be honest.

I am NOT going to quit. This is my life. My new way towards a healthier, stronger me.

I will set aside some time today to calmly review all of my new materials. I will learn. I will focus. The new attention this is going to require is going to give me a jump-start towards the new year and ultimately reaching my goal.

The goal for 2010 – to reach 100 pounds. It doesn’t look like I’m going to get there. But I am a lot closer than I was in January.

Tomorrow, PointsPlus

Well, it’s been a week since Weight Watchers announced their PointsPlus program, an updated way to count points, a method that is focused on current nutrition knowledge. We’ve been waiting a long time for the big announcement, even trying to trip up our leader into sharing some details. Not even one hint.

I’ve even been snooping around the internet for hints about the new program. While the details were a very well kept secret, we did find out a bit of information – the most exciting of which was that all fruits and vegetables (except starchy veggies like potatoes and corn) were going to be zero points.

Very exciting. Or so I thought.

While I haven’t yet been to my WW meeting to get the low down, my e-tools account has already been refigured.

EVERYTHING has to be recalculated – every single thing. I’ve been doing this for 18 months. Yes, I’ve gotten a little comfortable – ok, a LOT comfortable. Now, I’m going to have to start thinking again about what I eat.

I have been coasting along this week – halfway counting my points using the old method and the other time trying to convert to the new program. But tomorrow, I step up to the plate. Well, I actually step ON the scale.

After tomorrow, I have no excuses. I can’t claim that I don’t know. I will have to start over.

To be honest, I’m a little bit anxious. I’ve spent the last year paying close attention to calories, fat, and fiber. Tomorrow, that all goes out the window. My focus will shift to protein, fiber, carbs, and fat. It’s a very, very different mindset.

It’s supposed to work. I’m certain WW would not spend all the money they have if they weren’t certain of the science behind the method.

It’s time again to plan, evaluate, and make deliberate decisions.

All In…

This morning, I was thinking about my weight loss journey and drew an interesting parallel to my journey with Christ.

If I do the WW thing half way, I’m not going to realize true success. I’ll get tired. I lose interest. I will set a bad example for my children and people around me.

If I don’t go all in for Christ, I’m not going to find true peace. I’ll get tired, as there is no way I can do this by myself. I will definitely be a poor example for my children and the people around.

Starting today, I don’t want to be a halfway person. When I start something, I’m going all in.

Thank you, Christ, for your patience and forgiveness as I swing between giving you my all and holding something back.

The Weight Loss Pact

Early September, my boss was thrown from a horse and fractured his hip and pelvis in three places. YIKES! He’s recovering nicely, despite the fact that he doesn’t listen to any doctors when it comes to resting. But seriously, who does?

He, like most of us, gained some weight because of all the inactivity. He’s gotten back to work. He travels a lot (A LOT) and, as you know, when you travel, you don’t have as many opportunities to eat healthy. And with his trying to recover from the accident, he couldn’t exercise.

Now I am NOT SAYING that he needed to lose weight. Those were HIS WORDS! He’s been trying to get himself back on track, but has found it difficult.

He said that what he needed was to be held publicly accountable. He was going to write a letter to everyone at work, describing his plight and asking that everyone hold him to his commitment. That may still come. We’ll see.

But for now, he and I have set a goal of trying to lose two pounds a week until the end of the year.

I told him I was going to write about our pact so that anyone who knows him can ask out his progress and call him out on it if he’s not giving it his all.

And me? I’m a little bit competitive. Here’s an opportunity to KICK HIS BUTT! (but all in good fun, of course.)

I’ll let you know how things progress. No matter what happens, we will BOTH be healthier come the end of the year.

In a funk

I’m in a funk. I’ve been in a funk for a couple of months. It started with my being sick for several weeks, and then kept on as I tried to get myself back on track.

This time last year, I was just gaining some momentum, posting losses each week. Now, I feel like I’m just going through the motions.

I’m tracking my points – for the most part. Well, at least until I get home from work. Then I lose interest.

I’m going to the gym, but it feels like absolute drudgery. Before I was sick, I loved going to exercise. Whether I was walking on the treadmill or pushing myself on the elliptical, I always felt great (though exhausted) when I was done. Now, I just go, tick off the minutes, and leave.

Like I said, I’m in a funk.

On the bright side, the one thing I do know is that – even though I feel like I’m hanging by a thread – I am not going to quit.

That’s gotta count for something.

The Downside of Weight Loss

There is a downside to significant weight loss. And it is going to cause me to have to eat my words, or even worse, apologize to my friend Leanne for all the grief I gave her about always being cold.  =)

After losing 85 pounds of insulation, I am cold all the time. There. I’ve said it.

Leanne, stop laughing. I still prefer the colder weather. But I’m COLD!

Oh well, I’ll just have to get another couple of sweaters and sweatshirts, because I’m going to lose even more. Stay tuned!!!

A Good Day

Football season is over. It was a fabulous ending to a long couple of months. We had a lot of fun, but it brought havoc on our schedule. Only on Fridays would I get home before 8:30 or 9:00 at night. I literally drove into the driveway from work, loaded the car with the kids, and headed off to practice. The crazy schedule led to a LOT of eating take out, a LOT of eating on the run, and a LOT of late-night dinners.

But that is all behind me – at least for now. And this week, my focus returns to ME!

Saturday I started again. I started tracking everything I ate – no matter what it was, no matter how many points it was. I started being butt-ugly honest with myself, evaluating why I was making certain choices and why I had allowed myself to slide. AND I started writing again. All of these things are sending positive signals to my brain.

And today….

I hit the gym – thirty minutes of hard cardio at lunch and thirty minutes of strength after work. I can do that every single day if I want to; and why wouldn’t I?  I’m definitely worth it.

I’ll let you in on a little secret. It doesn’t hurt one single solitary soul if I take care of myself. It makes me stronger physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

And I’ll say it again. I am WORTH IT!!

Time for Honesty

For some crazy reason I decided to be totally honest throughout my entire weight loss, return-to-healthy-me journey. This complete transparency may help someone else, at some distant point in the future, but its primary value is forcing me to be honest with myself, preventing me from hiding inside my own thoughts and listening to the crazy, self-defeating tapes in my head.

I got up early this morning and went to WW. I had convinced myself that the number wouldn’t be THAT bad. Seriously? You can’t eat anything you want and not exercise and still continue to lose weight. It goes against some law of nature. AND, if by some insane freak of the scale I had lost weight, it would not have been the slap in the face I needed to get my head back on straight.

I did gain – 4.2 pounds – over the last two weeks. It’s done. It’s time to put it behind me and move forward. It’s time to return to the practices that I know move me forward.

Falling Out of Focus

It’s time to get back on track. I’ve preached to so many that you can start over the next morning, the next meal, the next minute. I’ve have SO not been practicing what I preach.

The tooth thing morphed into laryngitis. While I didn’t feel all that bad, cardio was tough because whatever was attacking my body took up residence in my lungs. I exercised a little bit – ok not that much – and quickly fell into some of my ugly habits. I was sick (I had a very impaired voice and it got old) for four and a half weeks! Honestly, I just got to the point where I was tired of being sick and didn’t want to do ANYTHING.

OK, enough excuses. First I slowed down on my exercise (more like stopped). Then, I started snacking on a little bite of this, and another tiny bite of that. THEN came Halloween. YIKES!

The one thing I LOVE from Halloween is a peanut butter pumpkin by Reese’s. At Christmas, it’s a peanut butter tree; Easter, a peanut butter egg. You get the picture. But I haven’t had one peanut butter anything since Easter 2009. I know the point value, and I could have had one. I could have make a deliberate decision to have one. ONE!

However, I decided that I was going to forego the tasty treat and move forward in strength! Yeah right!

So instead of making a deliberate decision to eat something that I actually enjoy, I ate a bunch of Whoppers. Seriously?! Who even LIKES those crazy things? I could have planned and enjoyed, when instead I reacted and consumed many more points than I would have, than I should have, because I bored and wanted some candy.

Dumb decision. Decision made in the past. Time to move forward.

FINALLY. It’s one week after Halloween. I’ve worked out three days this week. Definitely an improvement, but I could do soooooo MUCH better.

And tomorrow – it’s time to pay the piper. I’ve got to weigh in. YUCK!

Oh well, whatever happens, happens. It’s time to get back on track. I think I’ve just about gotten my head back on straight.

It’s just another step on my path towards the new, stronger me. Off I go.

I Wish I Were…

Several times during the last year, and especially since I have started writing, people have said to me – I wish I was as strong as you; as determined as you; as focused as you. You get the idea.

While I definitely appreciate the compliments, I really am no different from anyone else who has weight to lose. I love to eat. I want to be able to eat what I want, when I want it. I don’t want to exercise. And, I want to be able to lose all of my weight in a very short time. Shoot, I would even settle for an entire month.

That kind of thinking is not real. Those thoughts are lies – the lies that convince us that our situation is hopeless.

Let me tell you what I know. My success has been hard. I have made a lot of bad decisions; but I have made even more good ones.

This road is about making the very next decision. It is about two basic questions: Is what I want to eat good for me? Is it going to help me achieve my long-term goal.

And all I do is answer those questions over and over and over. If the answer to either one of these is NO, then I need to move in a different direction. Even taking small baby steps each and every day will get you to your goal.

Don’t look to the next day, the next hour, or even the next meal. Focus all of your energies on this precise moment. Make the one decision. And then continue making it over and over again as often as necessary. Don’t focus on how many times you will have to make “this” decision. Instead keep your focus on the immediate – the here and now. If you only make three baby steps forward this week, believe that you will be better off on Friday than you were on Monday. It will add up; I promise.

Don’t focus on what is remaining to be done. Stop making excuses, and start making decisions that put you first in this arena. It’s okay. You are absolutely worth it!!

Sidetracked by Illness

It has been too long. When I don’t write, I feel disconnected. Crazy I know. But writing about my journey does more for my forward progress than tracking every morsel that makes its way into my mouth.

The last couple of weeks have been tough. I split a tooth on Friday and didn’t get to the doctor until Monday.  The dentist also discovered a mound of infection in and around my jaw. The pain – either from the tooth or the infection – was brutal.  The good doctor prescribed an antibiotic and Vicodin. To say that I had a bad reaction to the Vicodin is a mild understatement. I can count on one hand the times that I have been that sick in my entire life.

I’ve continued taking the antibiotic and replaced the Vicodin with Motrin – 800 mg. The combination of those two medications has been most beneficial to my plight.

Surely by now, you are wondering what on earth this has to do with my weight loss journey. Read on, my friend, and I will tell you.

If at any point I allowed myself to get the slightest bit hungry, I would get nauseous. I would wake up in the morning sick to my stomach. So, I ate.

Unfortunately (if you would call it that) the one thing that helped settle my stomach the most was soft serve ice cream. Those wonderful people at McDonalds served me ice cream whenever I asked. How thoughtful.

Throughout the week, I continued to be aware of what I ate. I did not, however, track my food. Part of me just didn’t feel good. The other part of me knew I was blowing passed my points allotment, and I just didn’t wanted to be reminded of my choices.

And then there was the gym, or lack thereof. No matter how strong the message is from the mind that I need to go work out, the stomach’s saying YUCK was much louder. Seriously, who wants to be on an elliptical or a treadmill when you are constantly thinking about bowing to the porcelain god?  (throwing up…)

So, for the last week and a half, I have been ingesting more food than I should and I have not been exercising.

Just as one issue started to clear itself, I have developed a case of laryngitis and a cold. Aerobic exercise is almost impossible when you have trouble breathing.

The old me would have been heaping so much negative self talk on myself that I would have been ready to give up. At the very least, I would have contemplated some other mentally unhealthy way to get the food out of my body.

But that “me” doesn’t want to come out anymore. I will get myself back on track. I will refocus on healthy eating. And I will be exercising before you know it. I’ve already decided that I own this process.

This is my lifestyle. I determine the path. I determine the outcome.

I Like Eating

Did you know that there is option other than ENJOYING the food you eat? I read from one “weight-loss expert” that what worked for her was to make food boring. She went for a long time eating the same thing EVERY SINGLE DAY. She retrained herself to be bored with eating. She lost a lot of weight.

That line of thinking will NOT work for me. I enjoy eating. Someday soon, I’ll post some of my “before” pictures and you can see just how much I enjoyed eating. I enjoyed it way too much for way too long.

However, enjoying eating should be about enjoying the taste of the food. Unfortunately for me, I enjoyed it as comfort, appreciation, and companionship. Food should be enjoyed for the flavor, the texture, and the smell. Yes, it can bring warm feelings; but I am convinced that if we eat for the feeling alone, then we are heading down a dangerous and unhealthy path.

Oddly enough, one of the things I have learned is just how wonderfully good food tastes when you don’t eat it as much or as often. When was the last time you paused after putting a bite of food in your mouth and thought about how it tasted?

Let’s use chocolate to prove my point. Yes, chocolate should be the one exception, but it’s not. That first bite of chocolate is wonderful, isn’t it? It awakens your senses. Close your eyes. Think about the taste. Savor the experience.

Now, eat the second bite. It’s good, isn’t it; but not as memorable as the first. The third? Still good, but the newness is wearing off. OK, maybe for chocolate it would take more than three bites for the special wonder that is chocolate to start wearing off. But eat the fourth bite, the fifth, the sixth, and so on. I guarantee you (no matter your love for chocolate) that you would get to a point, and probably sooner than you would want to admit, where you are just going through the motions. You are putting the chocolate in your mouth because it is there.

One of my splurges – and you don’t have to understand it for me you to enjoy it – is a biscuit and gravy from Cracker Barrel. I don’t eat it every day, not even once a week. It wouldn’t taste as heavenly if I did. I get it periodically. It isn’t just a treat, it is divine. I take my time, think about the flavor, and savor it.

And when I’ve finished the ONE biscuit, I am satisfied. Any more than that, and I would just be eating from selfishness and greed. That is no longer an option.

Hitting a Brick Wall

I’ve been struggling the last couple of weeks, as you may have guessed from a couple of my posts – or my lack of recent posts. As far as this blog, I’m still trying to find a balance between being encouraging in my posts and being completely transparent as I struggle.

I don’t know what’s triggered the distraction. There have been a lot of distractions/surprises in my calendar these last weeks. I calculated my BMI and was depressed to learn I am still considered “obese”. Maybe that sounds vain, but I thought I had made more progress than that. And then it all came to a head on Saturday when I weighed in. (I REALLY do not want to type the next sentence.)

I gained 4 pounds.

There. I said it. I hit a brick wall this weekend.

I know that there are all sorts of physical things that could “explain” a weight gain. But the truth of the matter is I didn’t follow the program as I should have. I have gotten lazy and distracted. I have been too busy with everyone else’s needs to take care of my own.

That can’t happen anymore. I have to change my focus. I cannot allow myself to go backwards any further.

So, how will I do that, especially when I still feel distracted and down? I’m going to take control of the only thing I can control – the next minute, which will turn into the next hour, the next meal, the next day, the next week.

If all goes at it should (notice I didn’t say expected because I can’t see that far right now), I should be able to build some momentum and move in the right direction.

I’ll let you know.

Another Mental Battle

Lately, I have been feeling extremely empowered. The last few weeks I have changed my exercise focus almost entirely to cardio. I have been working extremely hard. I have been feeling like I can do anything. I AM doing it, and being very successful.

But today I made a mistake.

For a few minutes I took my eyes off of what I have been doing and took a glimpse at what I still have yet to do. I have a LONG way to go – a very long way. I’m sure you’re asking, “what on EARTH caused this sudden shift?” Well….

Remember the whole insurance thing at work, and how our premiums are going up because so many of us are unhealthy? We are getting discounts on our premiums based on certain things. The one that affects me is my moving closer toward a healthy BMI. AND there are a few rewards (aka discounts) along the way:

• Sign up for Weight Watchers. Check.
• Join a gym. Check.
• Lose 5, 10, and 15 percent of my original weight. Check, check, and check.

Lots of success, lots of positive affirmation. So, what’s the problem???

I made the mistake of calculating my current BMI. I am still a very long way away from healthy. Actually, I’m still considered “obese”. THAT, considering how far I have come, is depressing.

Then, I started crunching numbers. Again, very depressing. A long way left to go.

I know. I know. No one has to tell me. I’ve done a lot. I have been very successful, and I have what it takes to continue being successful. I will be successful.

But it was shocking to realize just how far I have left to go.

Waste or Waist?

Remember those incredibly yummy chocolate chip cookies? The ones that are three points EACH? Well, I brought them into the house because the kids wanted some cookies. These were small cookies; I thought they wouldn’t eat too many at one time. Well, I was sort of right in that regard. After the first day, they didn’t eat any of the cookies. The only person eating those small delectable pieces of distraction was me!

Good Grief! I brought the stuff into the house, so I had no one to blame but myself. Talk about a stupid decision. However…

Those cookies are no longer. I threw them away. I didn’t just throw them in the trash, because, let’s face it, in desperation I could pick one off the top of the heap (gross, but sometimes we do stupid things). I wanted absolutely no temptation. I wanted them AWAY for me and FAR OUTSIDE my reach. So, I dropped every single remaining cookie in the garbage disposal. No one was going to have them, especially me.

Maybe you would call my action wasteful. I might have felt the same way a couple of years. But what is truly wasteful – throwing the cookies in the trash or shoving the cookies in my mouth?

It’s NOT wasteful if you save it from going to your waist.

Dinner at home??

I have identified yet another area of my life that could stand some improvement. Some serious improvement. Some might even say critical to my family’s health improvement. I don’t know if it is because I am not any good at it or I just don’t like it, but I don’t cook a lot of meals for my family. There – I’ve admitted it. Now that it is out in the open, I can address the issue and begin a process of improving.

Now before you think me a terrible mom, we do eat SOME things healthy. I can cook chicken fingers and bake french fries. I can make soup, though that’s not such a good item for the summer months. And we LOVE grilled chicken from KFC, sandwiches from Subway, and salads from Quiznos. Yes, I must confess, we eat take-out a LOT, MUCH too often.

As I try to solve this problem or move closer (even an inch) towards a solution, I have to identify the constraints (don’t I sound like I paid attention in science?)

• I am tired when I come home from work. (I know, who isn’t?)
• My husband will NOT cook
• Nathan has to be at football practice three days a week at 6pm. If he is late, he pays. They also have to be at church one night a week at 6:30pm (although Hannah will tell you it is 6pm – she does like to socialize.)
• The kids and I don’t eat until after practice, though Andy wants to eat at a reasonable dinner hour (who can blame him.)
• I don’t know what to cook that is WW friendly that I can do in Crock Pot.
• Who has time to cook something between the time I get home from work, take the kids where they need to be, and will still be edible when we get home?
• Nathan is a picky (VERY PICKY) eater.

Now that I have a list of constraints (some would call excuses) I can plan for some forward progress.

I think that if I don’t put something in the crock pot, there won’t be anything cooked for dinner. But I believe that both Hannah and Andy can either assemble dinner (if given step-by-step instructions) or simply put something in the oven (that has been pre-assembled and again comes with step-by-step instructions).

I have the beginnings of a solution. Next step, planning a menu and preparing a shopping list.

Always Count the Points

Always, always, ALWAYS count the points. Be honest. And calculate. Don’t just assume you know; don’t make a guess – especially if you’re at home and you have all kinds of points calculators at your fingertips. Here’s an example of why.

Last week, when I was obsessed with the soft, chewy chocolate chip cookies, I assumed (because they were small) that they couldn’t be more than one point each. After all, I looked on the WW website and a chocolate chip cookie was only one point. I was doing exactly what I should have done, right? WRONG!

After a couple of days of this foolishness, I finally decided to give in to the inner voice that screamed – “You know better than that! The nutrition information is on the package. CALCULATE THE POINTS!”

I did. And man was I shocked, stunned, surprised, embarrassed – you pick the word. Those little, itty bitty cookies that were unbelievably yummy and a constant source of distraction for an ENTIRE WEEK? (I know; you want me to get the point. But can’t I enjoy the memory of those cookies just one more minute? They were AMAZING!)

OK, head’s clear. Those cookies were THREE POINTS EACH!

I don’t know what to say beyond that. I was blown away and humbled. But, I did go back and adjust my points for the week. I was not happy with myself. It was a valuable lesson.

And, it’s in the past. I’ve leaving that behind and moving forward.

(NOTE: For you active WW participants, I know that there is a system that allows you to estimate, using Set Points. But I’m not talking about when you are in those situations. I’m talking about choosing to be lazy and not calculating when you have all the information at your fingertips. It doesn’t work out.)

Time to pay the piper

This morning is a perfect example of never giving up, of continuing to do the things that you know you are supposed to do, even when you don’t feel like it.

I went ahead and went to my WW meeting, even though I was convinced that I had blown any chance of crossing that next threshold. However, after last night, I felt stronger and was ready to pay the piper. I had strayed, and the scales were going to show it.

I stepped on the scale, the number came up, I saw the number, my shoulders drooped, and then I sighed. I asked the attendant to tell me just how much I had gained. It was in her laughter that I learned something very valuable about myself.

I AM A GOOB!!!

Do you get it that I SAW the number and STILL sighed?

Not only had I lost the half a pound to take me to 75 pounds, I had lost enough to launch me to 78.8 pounds – 4.2 pounds to be exact!! Even as I write this, six hours later, I am still in shock. It’s a happy, joyful shock, but shock nonetheless.

So, either I wasn’t as bad as I thought this week OR the damage just hasn’t caught up with me and will be reflected on the scale next week. Either way, WHO CARES?! I have catapulted to 78.8 pounds! Let me tell you, that does a LOT for your confidence.

So, this week, I have got to keep focused on following the plan as it was intended. I have got to exercise like my very life depended on it – when truthfully it does. And if I gain anything next week, I will just tell myself that it’s all a journey – a journey that’s going to last the rest of my life.

Taking Back Control

It is 11:31 pm, and I have just returned from 24-Hour Fitness. I have just completed one hour of intense cardio – and I feel AWESOME!

I’m sure your initial reaction to this news is to think that I should have my head examined. Maybe I should. But I feel AMAZING!

If you read my last post, you know that I’ve been feeling a little sluggish on the diet front. I’ve wanted to skip out on the gym and snack on junk food. I was doing a very good job of feeling sorry for myself. The crazy thing is that I don’t have any reason to feel that way. I am incredibly blessed – in every single corner of my life.

So why the late night workout?

A key idea that I have to keep in my head is that bad decisions made have been made in the past. I don’t have to wait for next month, next week, or even tomorrow to start over. I can re-right myself right now.

So, tonight, I decided that taking back control could not wait until the morning. I put on my tennis shoes and drove to the gym. (Mother, don’t worry; I parked very close to the front door.) And then I exercised myself back to a good place mentally.

I did ONE FULL HOUR of cardio – elliptical and treadmill. I feel great. I feel strong. I feel amazing.

Why shouldn’t I? I am those things, aren’t I?

Fighting distraction

I am still less than one-half of a pound away from having lost 75 pounds. I am super proud of myself, but have been feeling very distracted lately.

I haven’t wanted to go to the gym. I am tired of counting points. AND, I have been seriously craving junk food – today, a mix of sweet and salty – soft, gooey, chocolate chip cookies and Cheetos. NO, I don’t eat them together; but once I finish a cookie, the very next thing I want is Cheetos. I had some, and they were good.

So now, my mind is going through all the things in the kitchen wondering what I can get into next. Not so good, especially at 9pm. I should be done for the night. I’m going to go to bed so I don’t have to think about it.

I’ll pull it together. I just can’t give in to the yuck.

WW at Work

We learned last week that our health insurance premiums are going up significantly in the coming weeks – UNLESS we, as individuals, actively participate in a wellness program. Many in our company are unhealthy and contributing to the problem of rising health costs.

Let’s face it, a lot of our health problems are from poor choices. Mine were. My bad choices caused me to be overweight; and I’ve been that way for a while. Fortunately for me, I was able to get my head around losing weight way before this entire insurance issue/wellness program came to light.

I’m glad to work for a company that is taking an active role in encouraging and supporting positive health practices. They are going to start Weight Watchers class at our research office. I am very excited, and encouraged, that more than 20 people have signed up to participate. I’ve already been asked if I would speak at a meeting and try to encourage my co-workers.

Initially, I was hesitant; but I smacked myself in the head when I realized how selfish that was. Isn’t this what life’s all about? We go through struggles so we can help the next person in line. I’ve participated in WW for a year. I’ve realized some success, and now I’m being given the opportunity to share some of what I’ve learned.

So, I’ve been thinking about what I would say to encourage my friends. What words can I offer as they get started? I really want to be a source of encouragement. I REALLY want to help each and every one of them realize the same success that I have had and continue to have.

So, here it goes – my first piece of advice: Cut yourself some slack. This isn’t about being perfect. It’s about making today a little bit better than yesterday. One positive change – that’s all it takes. And YOU can do it.

Priceless Moments

I realized this morning that I forgot to share the most important part of the story with my kids – the part that should more than convince you just how amazing they are.

If you recall, I was trying to come up with good reasons to get out of going to a water aerobics class. The kids wanted me to come up with three good reasons why I needed to stay home. Without them, I was expected to get up and go to class – very, VERY early on Saturday morning.

I was getting desperate as it seemed that no excuse was going to work with these two kids of mine. So, I got devious.

I offered $10. Nope.

$20? Nope

$50? Nope

I even went as high as $100. At this point, I would go to class before I paid either of them money. But I wanted to see just how firm they would hold to their convictions. THEY TURNED ME DOWN!

Then Nathan says, “Mama, I don’t care if you offered me a million dollars. I would still want you to go to class. You’re worth way more than any amount of money.” They want a healthy mama, and I’m going to give them one.

Seriously, life doesn’t get much better than that. Now, does it?

Three Good Reasons

I have the absolute BEST kids. A couple of weeks ago, Hannah, Nathan, and I were driving home from a church activity. I was tired. It was Friday night, and it had been a long week. I told the kids that I wasn’t going to attend my water aerobics class the next morning. And because they are such blessings to me, they stepped into “coach” mode.

Nathan said, “Mama, if you can give us three good reasons NOT to go, we’ll let you stay home.”

REALLY?!?! This kid expected me to give HIM a reason for my decision?? I’m the parent! I’ll make my own decisions!!

But the reasonable voice inside me realized that Nathan’s statement was coming from a place of love and concern. Both he and Hannah want me to be healthy and successful, and they want to contribute to the process. You can’t ask for better motives than that.

So I started offering up reasons:

“I’m tired and I want to sleep in.” “Nope, you can take a nap when you get home.”

“I want to spend extra time with you kids in the morning.” “We’ll be here when you get home.”

“I don’t feel like it.” “You’ll feel better after the class.”

This banter went on the entire ride home. I don’t think I got credit for one single reason for staying home.

So, to honor my kids, I got up early and went to class. And just as expected, class was awesome. I felt really good after the hour-long workout. I was proud of me, and my kids were proud of me.

They were part of the process, and I love them for it. I am REALLY, REALLY blessed.

Internal Battles

The last time I posted was July 27. Wow, almost a month. A lot of mental battles. Some struggling with the numbers. I was very, VERY tired. Maybe it was the heat. Whatever it was, I was tired of playing this game. Despite the struggle, I’m very proud of myself. I didn’t quit.

Despite very little positive reinforcement on the scale, I didn’t give up. Remember, this isn’t a diet. It isn’t a temporary set of rules I have to follow. I am changing my life. I’m choosing to move in a different, healthier, more positive direction.

So, while there are external challenges – things that tug at my convictions – I continued to move forward.

I didn’t write because I didn’t want to share that I was “blah”. It wasn’t even that really. I just didn’t want to hear encouragement from my friends. Yes, I’m weird. I know you all would have rallied around me and shared plenty of love and encouragement for me. And for that I thank you and love you bunches and bunches.

But I needed to work through this myself. I needed to find the strength inside myself to push forward and make the right decisions for ME. I didn’t want to (nor did I need to) be making any decisions because of what other people expect of me (or what I think they expect of me).

So, I move forward to make a better life for me. Selfish, maybe. But when I am a better, stronger, healthier, there’s more of me to share with other people – despite the fact that the physical me is getting smaller.

YAY me!! Current weight loss is 74.6 pounds. Less than one half a pound away from 75!!!!  I plan to cross that threshold very, very soon.

Learning to Walk

I re-read what I posted last night and wondered why I wasted the effort of sharing something that was so obvious and seemed so trivial. Sometimes head trash is hard to release.

Before, I would have beat myself up because I made some bad choices and gave in to some old habits. And I think that’s what so many of us do. We make a bad decision. We label ourselves as a failure or convince ourselves that we are worthless. Then we give up, turning back to the old behaviors that drag us down.

That kind of thinking is RIDICULOUS! Do you not agree? Think about it like this…

A nine-month-old baby girl has been crawling around the house like crazy. She finally pulls up on the table slowing getting the courage to take the first step or two. But, oh no, she falls.

What mother on the planet would think it normal for that child to give up learning to walk?!

My friends, it’s the same thing. As we learn new behaviors and develop new habits, we are going to fall. While we won’t end up with a skinned knee, a bruised ego can hurt just as badly.

So, just as we would encourage the baby to keep trying, why don’t we cut ourselves some slack and follow the same advice.

Lesson from the interstate

I just returned from a quick trick to Nashville to pick up Hannah from church camp. It was a wonderful visit with family and friends and has again made me a little homesick. But true to form, life delivered a lot of gain in exchange for some pain. I’ll talk about the blessings in another post, but tonight I want to share a lesson.

It’s not glamorous or anything, but I was surprised at how completely distracted I became and just how easy it was to deviate from plan. Here goes…

Driving ten hours (I’m sure it was THOUSANDS of miles) is absolutely BORING! And what does someone with my past relationship with food do when she is bored? She eats. And eats. And EATS!! Well, it wasn’t all that bad, but I did think about food a lot; sometimes it felt like I was obsessing about it. I ate quite a few things that weren’t so good for me. Oddly enough, this time around the junk wasn’t satisfying. That’s a good thing.

While I was stuffing junk into my stomach, I was actually yearning for something healthy. I’m becoming used to eating salads, grilled chicken, and even the occasional fruit. Unfortunately, most of those things aren’t available driving down the interstate.

What’s a girl to do??? This time, the answer came to me very quickly.

Just like I have to plan my meals, grocery lists, doctors’ appointments, etc., I need to plan my meals when travelling. And what I’m about to share is COMPLETELY REVOLUTIONARY, so hold on to your hat.

I need to pack things (fruit, veggies, sandwiches, etc.) in ADVANCE!

Did you know that you don’t have to stop at every single McDonalds along the way? Shocking, I know. Seriously, where did they all come from? When I was a child, all we had were the occasional Stuckey’s. And we NEVER got anything from there, no matter how much we pleaded that we HAD to have the box of salt water taffy. OK, I digress…

Back to the point, with a little planning and a little packing, the kids and I could have had some very nutritious snacks and meals, and I would have saved a ton of money. I will remember and prepare the next time we head down Interstate 70.

As I close, I want to remind you (and myself) what we do with mistakes and bad decisions – we let them go and leave them in the past. What is done is done.

I’ve learned something to make myself stronger. Isn’t that one of the primary points of this journey?

A “Modest” Change

There aren’t many people who could tell me that it’s time to buy a new bra. Really, there are two. You know who you are. And yes, you were right. So, how do I discuss this with tact? =)

When you lose a significant amount of weight – which I think I have – clothes don’t fit as well. For a while it’s no big deal, clothes get big. So what? Let’s face it, most clothes reach a point where too big it not good. It’s ugly and unattractive.

During this journey, I’m learning so much stuff. Today’s lesson is that even your underwear can get too big and distract from the emerging beauty. Who knew? Seriously, this was not an area that I would have considered.

But two lovely women suggested that it was time to make a change. (I am laughing my head off that I am EVEN WRITING THIS!!!! I’m the modest, shy one.) So, today, I went shopping for a bra. Please, you don’t want to know the details. Just know that I found what I needed and it has made a significant difference.

So at today’s close, I’m looking a little better and feeling more confident.

All or Nothing

I've heard from so many people who have said how proud they are of me and how they so desperately wish they could do the same for themselves. If only I had some magic words that could propel them forward towards success.

As I thought about why people procrastinate so much if they want to get healthy, I wondered why it took me so long. I had been battling with obesity for at least eleven years. It was not a fun way to live – not fun at all. Yet it took me a very long time to get my head on straight.

What was holding me back? What holds so many people back?

For me, I thought if I couldn't do it right or if I couldn't give it my all, then I wouldn't try. If I wasn't convinced that I would be successful then I wouldn't take the first step. I had a LOT of weight to lose, and didn't want to try if I couldn't realize success – QUICKLY!

We're all like that, aren't we? We all have a little bit of perfectionist inside us. Think about it – we're so afraid of failing, that we don't do anything.

Why do we sabotage our efforts before we even get started? I have no answer. And I'm as guilty as the next guy. Let's be honest; this attitude is not limited to losing weight.

My current challenge? I wish I were cooking healthy, well balanced, gourmet meals for my family – you know, the kind worthy of Food Network Channel – but I'm not. We eat more takeout than I care to admit. Because I can't get menus planned and grocery lists completed every single day, I don't do it. It's stupid, isn't it?

But this new me is not going to beat myself up. I'm going to find a way to move forward. I will conquer this demon just as I am winning with my weight. And then, someday, you just might be using my cookbook in your own kitchen.

I'm starting to remember that just about anything is possible. I want you to believe it. Think about it – the only reason "ALL" is not possible is because we choose to do "NOTHING".

NSV’s – Non-Scale Victories

I do not own a scale. It was a deliberate decision to protect myself from the emotional volatility that comes from random day-to-day fluctuations that have NOTHING to do with food, exercise, etc. I only weigh at the WW meetings, once a week. While the number on the scale is a good, objective method to measure success (especially over time), it can sometimes be misleading, even discouraging.

It is amazing how someone can lose weight for seven straight weeks, gain a little on the eighth week gain a little, and then be convinced they are a total failure. And I speak from experience, that "someone" is me. I can have success upon success upon success, then gain a half of a pound and beat myself up because I'm a failure.

Well, we all know that I am not a failure. But what can I focus on when the scale says otherwise? WW teaches us to identify non-scale victories (NSV). Seriously, there are LOTS of things that improved in my life, and I've just got to remind myself what they are. Just like I would count my blessings, I'm going to count my NSV's. You, too, should try it when you feel like giving up.

Here are a few of mine:

• I have stopped taking blood pressure medicine.
  
• I can walk around a department store without requiring a shopping cart to lean on.
  
• I can walk up a flight of stairs without losing my breath.
  
• I actually enjoy playing with my kids – football, basketball, Frisbee, swimming, you name it.
  
• I went down a water slide – TWICE!
  
• I don't have ANYTHING to wear. May sound sad, but it's because everything is TOO BIG!!!
  
• I am starting to believe I can do almost ANYTHING.
  
• I can jog on a treadmill and walk for long distances. Shoot, I even survived a spin class!
  
• I get all sorts of compliments and encouragement from friends.
  
• And today, my boss bragged on my progress to our company's entire management team!
  

So, when you want to beat yourself up because the scales don't tell the story like you would like, remind yourself of your NSV's. I bet you'll be surprised and realize just how proud you should be in yourself.

Pushing myself HARD

I feel like I've died, or I'm pretty close to it. The more weight I lose, the more I feel like I can do ANYTHING! At least I will try anything. It might hurt afterwards… It DID hurt afterwards. It still DOES hurt. But it's a good kind of hurt… I think.

I've been feeling so good doing weights and cardio and even the periodic water aerobics class, that I thought I would try my hand at a Spin class. Several well-meaning friends thought me crazy, but just like I can see myself running in a marathon (a girl can dream, can't she) I thought I wanted to test myself in a spin class.

Right now, I'm not sure whether I was brave, determined, or crazy. Saying that this class was "cycling on steroids" is an understatement. I hurt. I could hardly walk after the class was over. And I wasn't able to do everything that the rest of the class was doing. However, I was able to continue spinning for the entire 45 minutes.

I talked with the instructor after class and learned some exercises that I could do to strengthen my core making the cycling while standing up a little easier (meaning doable).

Now the old me would have come home, lie on the couch for the rest of the day and watch television – but not this new me. I came home, had lunch, and rested for an hour. Then….

Off to the pool with Nathan, where we played for a couple of hours, mostly throwing a water football back and forth, back and forth. But I made good use of the time in the water and added kicks and jumping jacks to my play time (waiting on the ball to come back from Nathan).

Lastly, lest you be bored with all of this exercise talk, let me tell you what I did that I would NEVER have done this time last year.

I went down the water slide. Not once, but TWICE!!! Yes, halfway down the first time I was thinking that I might have made a mistake. But as soon as I hit the water, I wanted to do it AGAIN. It was amazing!!

I'm losing weight. I'm getting healthier. And I'm having a BLAST! "Making Memories" is what my mom would call it.

The Good, the Bad, and the Late Night Snacks

Just in case there is anyone out there who thinks this has been easy, or you think the pounds are just melting away because I'm such a strong person who continues to make wise decisions, let me confess something.

Before you go wishing you could be like me, or wishing you could be as motivated as I am, let me remind you of something. This is a difficult and long journey. It requires commitment. I have to face my food demons each and every day, often multiple times a day.

Don't fool yourself into thinking that these thoughts didn't come from the person who just posted that she is getting stronger and that she is actually PROUD of herself. Those things are true. I am that person. But I am also the person who struggles.

I am not perfect, by no means. Confession time –

Here it is, midnight. And for the past 35 minutes, I have been wrestling with what snack I should have. Did you hear me, it is MIDNIGHT!

I gave in and ate – a pancake with butter and syrup - and THEN I went back to the fridge for a few slices of deli turkey. No, I didn't have the points for this food, but I did it anyway. Stupid; just plain stupid.

Dumb decision having been made, here is what I did differently tonight that I wouldn't have done a year ago. I stood up (figuratively), dusted myself off, and started again. I made a dumb decision, but I am not going to let it derail my efforts. I will not take my eye off the prize.

What I should have done is gotten up and gone to bed. But I didn't. And what is done, is done. I'm not going to wait until tomorrow (next Monday, next month, or next year – you name it) to start over. I started over immediately. I must acknowledge the bad decision and decide that it will no longer control me.

I'm sharing this to let you know that you're not alone when you get the munchies at midnight (or at any other time, for that matter). We all trip up. The trick (and it is as important as chocolate is to any woman) is to start again IMMEDIATELY! Each time you do it, it becomes easier.

This is the mindset that must accompany my new lifestyle. I'm not on a diet. I'm changing the way I live. And the only way to successfully make this trek is to move ahead one step at a time.

Let me remind you - I'm successful. I've gotten to a point where I am motivating myself. I have lost weight equal to the average ten-year-old boy. Stuff to be proud of, huh? It's definitely worth leaving the past where it belongs – behind me.

Enjoying a success

I passed another milestone this weekend. I was (and continue to be) very proud of myself. I have worked very, very hard to reach this point. But what made this weekend unusual was that I didn't share this success with anyone (well, except my mom).

For four days I enjoyed my success in silence. Let me say it again…. I ENJOYED my success. I didn't have to tell anyone about what I had done to feel good. And I really, REALLY enjoyed my secret.

Today, I finally shared my news with several of my cheerleaders at work. They were excited for me and very encouraging to me. But oddly enough, none of the praise received felt as good as the pride I felt in myself. That's gotta mean something, doesn't it?

Here's what I think. I am moving towards the place where I no longer NEED external affirmation to feel good about myself. I am realizing that I really am a STRONG woman! I am proud of myself, doing FOR myself. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the praise; but it is no longer one of my primary motivators.

So, what did I do?

I have reached the 70-pound mark, 70.8 to be exact. Just one more stop in the journey to become a smaller, stronger me.

A Beautiful Lady

Maybe it's that I'm too young to have heard of Jean Nidetch, or maybe I've just gotten to this point in life by being completely clueless. I asked my mom who she is, and of course she knew – "she's the founder of Weight Watchers." Well, duh!

No offense to anyone, but I had never heard of her until her autobiography was sold at our WW meeting. Of course, I had to read the book. I had to make sure that if there was any lesson to be learned from her life, I had it.

Weight Watchers started in the early 1960's, born from Jean's own journey to lose weight. How the company grew and prospered is definitely worth the read.

Jean battled weight her entire life and eventually won. She knows the pain of obesity and refuses to forget. Because she understands and because she truly loves people, she has spent her entire life encouraging the overweight in improving their own lives. Who wouldn't want that kind of legacy?

I've always thought that this journey is about more than simply losing weight. In this book, Jean confirms her similar belief. I hope she won't mind my sharing a sentence of two from her book, but I think her words say it all –

"The beautiful thing about losing weight, and I think probably any other kind of accomplishment that takes some sustained effort, is that it lets you know you can succeed at anything you really want to do. Now, I would never want to mislead you by suggesting that losing your weight will be easy. Nothing worthwhile in this world is ever easy, but it can be a wonderful experience."

It is an amazing journey – a long, difficult road – but one well worth the cost. I am rediscovering that person inside me that can do anything she sets her mind to. When I win my battle, I hope God gives me a similar opportunity to help and encourage others.

My thanks to a beautiful lady.

Lemonade from Lemons

Last night I had an accident. I was playing basketball with Nathan. I was barefoot. I lost control of the ball, and it rolled out in the street. I chased the ball and caught up with it. I thought I would simply stop the ball with my foot and kick it back to Nathan who was standing in the driveway. Hindsight is definitely 20/20, and this was NOT a very smart move.

When I tried to kick the ball, I tripped and fell face-first into the street. Fortunately for me, I was able to catch myself with my hands and my knee. I busted my knee open, and my hands are scratched up quite a bit. I then proceeded to roll (felt more like a bounce) onto my side. I have got quite a few bruises, cuts and scrapes, and my ENTIRE body aches.

That's the lemon. Can you see the lemonade?

Think about where I was a year ago. I would not have been able to play basketball with my son, let alone CHASE a ball into the street. And if I had fallen with all that extra weight, I probably would have seriously hurt myself. Fortunately, I'm just sore and a little embarrassed.

As I was falling, all I could think about was "Oh, no! Please don't let me tear my new jeans!!!" I'm falling (flipping) across the middle of the street at 9:30 in the evening. I'm wearing a $300 pair of glasses and have a relatively new Blackberry in my pocket – not cheap stuff to replace. And I'm thinking about my new pair of jeans – ones that only cost $4. FOUR DOLLARS!!!

Sounds crazy, I know. The jeans hold a tremendous amount of sentimental value. That pair of 4-day-old jeans represents an unexpected success, a surprise in the "goals achieved" department.

My mom was visiting this week, and (of course) we went shopping. This woman could smell a good buy from the department store parking lot! She picks up this really cute pair of jeans (cost $4) and suggests (tells) me to go try them on. The problem is that they are a size smaller than I was currently wearing. She then went on to pick up TWO MORE pair of pants of the same size! Her thought was if they were just a bit small that I would eventually be able to wear them. And for only a $4 risk, why not make the purchase?

Now for the moment of truth… I pull the jeans up over my knees and then up over my thighs – the point at which I would know the pants were two small. But I was able to continue pulling the pants up. Over the hips and up to the waist. WAIT! I can still breathe! These pants FIT!!!!

Thinking it was a fluke, I quickly tried on the other two pants. They, too, FIT! Yay me! There are not words to express my jubilation. An unexpected success. An incredible feeling of pride and joy! I'm winning!

So, back to the middle of the street, my bloody knee, and the trophy jeans that should have been shredded. Time stopped as I glanced at my knee to see just how badly my pants tore. They withstood the fall! It was at that point that I realized just how lucky I was. Not only did my jeans hold up, but my healthier body held up as well.

Not only am I getting smaller; I'm growing stronger.

Starting to Walk

It has been suggested that I go back and revisit the whole exercise discussion. In the last post, I talked about how much I am enjoying exercise, how far I have come, and how much I have achieved. I guess I skipped the part about how I got to this point.

I added exercise to my routine back in September. May I confess just how much I HATED exercise. Hated it! Fortunately for me, I had an exercise buddy who would encourage me every single step of the day. There were many, many, many days where I didn't want to expend ANY energy. But Tracy pushed, and neither of us gave up.

We started out by walking around the parking lot at work. We took a "smoke break". When all the smokers were sucking on their cancer sticks, we walked. One time around the lot turned into two times. Two times turned into walking to the front of the office park. Then, we circled the shopping center that is in front of the office park. On and on, until we got to the point that we were walking 2.5 miles every day.

To step it up, we walked faster. Tracy would jog ahead and walk back to me so we could walk together a little further. I even tried jogging. Walk, run, walk, run… Heartbeat goes up and comes back down. Running would elevate the heartbeat; walking would bring it down. The intervals are good for me as I develop stamina and strength.

I've read many articles that suggest tips to help get you moving. Start out by walking out to your mailbox instead of grabbing the mail from your car on your way up your driveway. Park at the far end of the WalMart parking lot and walk into the store. One that I thought was creative (and keeps you from getting all sweaty) is to walk up and down the grocery store aisles BEFORE you start your grocery shopping. Or, how about waiting until you have finished shopping and walk the aisles with a FULL grocery cart. Strength AND cardio – good for you!! Lastly, might I suggest that you set your timer for five minutes? Start walking away from your house until the timer goes off, then return home. You've just walked for ten minutes.

You've got to starting seeing yourself as an active person. Unfortunately, it doesn't happen overnight. Do a little bit today, and tomorrow a little bit more. Keep it up. Don't quit. You will start to develop some endurance. And then you will start feeling good about yourself.

I can promise this – consistent exercise pays off.

Get out and MOVE

I NEVER thought I would say this, but I LOVE working out! Don't let me fool you, this attitude didn't come overnight. But it's really simple – notice I didn't say easy – but simple. The trick is to just start moving.

Everybody has an opinion on an ideal exercise program. Do you do it with walking? Do you hire a trainer? Lift weights? Swimming? Bike ride? Classes? What?

I am by no means an expert, but I think the trick is just to do something. When I started exercising, it was nothing more than walking around the parking lot at work during lunch. The first time around, we walked two circles. I thought I was going to die!

I learned that I don't like walking in circles over and over – because I never know where the end is. To compensate, I adjusted my walking path so that I was actually going somewhere. What started as a quick, grueling, ten-minute walk evolved to a daily walk of 2.5 miles – during lunch.

Once spring came, I needed to step it up. If you remember, I needed to push through a plateau. I joined 24-Hour Fitness. Now, I'm doing weights three times a week and cardio three times a week. I'm learning to use the elliptical – which can kill you! I have started jogging on the treadmill. And I have been riding hard on a recumbent bike.

And just like I didn't have to walk in the same circle over and over, I don't have to do the same aerobic exercise day after day for a solid 45 minutes. I can do 15 minutes on one machine, 15 minutes on another, and another 15 minutes on a third machine. I like variety, so I create it in my exercise routines.

Besides the incredibly good feeling I get after exercise, one of the things I am most excited about is – I've started SWEATING!!

Sounds yucky, but it's really not. If you look around the gym, you notice that the people who are fit and working hard are ALL sweating. And now I'm doing it too! Way cool!! Someday someone is going to look at me and wish they could be strong like me.

So my words of wisdom are simply to get moving. Any movement is movement in the right direction.

Focus 24/7 – Not me

I've got to find a way to integrate the activity of the weekday to relaxing during the weekend. And while I'm at it, a way to pay the same attention and dedication to what I eat during the day to what I put in mouth at night.

I work outside of my home during the day. What I eat is very structured. I am snacking very little; and when I do, my choices are deliberate, healthy, and follow my good health guidelines. During my lunch hour, some days I go to the gym and do 45 minutes of weight training or cardio – four days a week. The fifth day, I attend my WW meetings. Yay me, right?

When I get home, I feel like I implode. I throw together something (usually unplanned) for my family; or I pick up something on the way home. My meal is simple – a chicken breast, steamed broccoli, and a baked sweet potato. It's a good meal – tasty and good for me. But what am I teaching my kids? And what am I sending?

After dinner, I want to sit on the couch and read or watch TV – not such healthy habits. I do want to give myself at least SOME credit. I do usually find the energy to go outside and play some sort of ball with Nathan. I've become quite satisfactory at throwing a football, shooting a basketball, and hitting a baseball.

But on weekends….

I could eat the table on which I serve my food. I want anything and everything in my path. I don't always follow through with those urges, but it is a constant battle for 48 hours. Fortunately, WW gives you extra "blow it" points each week. If I use mine, it is on Saturday or Sunday.

Activity? I would be perfectly content to sleep and read. I don't usually, but it seems like a battle to get myself up and get moving.

I'm supposed to be turning things around in my life, finding myself in a new, healthier lifestyle. It seems like the further I get down the path, the more things I identify that need improvement.

I'm glad that I don't have to be perfect every day. I'm grateful that the goal of every day is to make it better than the one before. And I'm satisfied with the progress I'm making – taking it one day at a time.

Pictures with my kids

Last night, Nathan and I were flipping through a bunch of old pictures – the ones where he and Hannah were babies. We had a lot of laughs from the stories I would tell and from the silly things I caught them doing while they were little.

One thing was missing – pictures of me with my kids. I was there, and I'm sure there were people around that would have taken pictures of me WITH my children, but I always made sure to be the one holding the camera. And, if by some rare chance, someone caught me in a photo, I very clever to pull one of the kids in front of me so that most of me could remain hidden.

Sad, isn't it? That I am missing from the photo memories of my children's early lives. How much more of life have I hidden from?

So, then I started looking at some other pictures – ones where I was included. Most of these were pre-kids. As I walked down memory lane, I didn't remember a single time when I had a positive body image. I don't remember exactly what was wrong, what part I didn't like, but I know I wasn't happy with the way I looked.

So, that's got me to thinking – when will I start feeling positive about my body image? What will it take for me to feel good about myself? What exactly is it that I am hoping to achieve?

I don't have the answers yet. But I do know that I am committed to finding out. I think that's why this blog is so important for me. I can't write lies. On paper, I have to be honest with myself – painful or not.

Being Judged

Someone asked me today why I'm not in sales. I can tell our company's story like it was my own. I test the sales team to make sure they are telling it correctly. But I have ABSOLUTELY NO DESIRE to sell our product/service. Why? I don't like selling. As a matter of fact, it makes me terribly uncomfortable.

However, after further introspection, I realized the reason I have been so uncomfortable. I was FAT, obese, ugly, yukky! I felt like people looked at me and ONLY saw a fat woman who was lazy and should not be taken seriously. How sad.

Now when you read that, I'm sure your first thought was – "No. I wouldn't have thought that." But seriously, you know – way down deep in your heart of hearts – that you would. You would jump to conclusions based on someone's being overweight. I did, and I still do. I don't like that about myself, and I'm working to get around it, but I have had those thoughts.

Now, maybe (just maybe) I'm imposing feelings on myself that other people aren't having, but I doubt it. And knowing that people felt that way, made me feel even worse about myself.

Now let me tell you, I know now (and knew then) that I am smart, caring, giving, talented, hard-working, etc. (And yes, mom, I have great hair…..inside joke). But I knew those things in my head. My heart kept reminding me of all the things I wasn't, and those things were reflected by my obesity.

I'm glad to be relearning things about myself, but isn't it sad that my confidence was lost somewhere amongst all that fat?

Anyway, enough honesty. I'm growing stronger and I am getting smaller. I am recording some new tapes in my head. AND, I'm starting to like myself again.

Admitting a Fear

So, yesterday, I talked about how hard it was starting out attending Weight Watchers meeting. After a few meetings, I started relaxing and finding success at my meetings. But there was one meeting when it got really, REALLY HARD!

I had gained weight that week. I knew the things that I had done incorrectly during the week. My leader, Judy, put me on the spot. She pushed me, forcing me to talk (out LOUD and to the group!!!) and admit what had happened and how I was feeling. Can you IMAGINE?

I had to admit that I was beating myself up for some bad decisions. I was letting those bad decisions determine my worth. And I wanted to call it QUITS!

While admitting my fear and my failure was scary, it turned out to be very empowering. I realized that it was one week of my life. The new week meant a chance to start over.

And sometimes, the new day means starting over. Shoot, a new hour, or even a new minute, can provide an opportunity to start over.

When I have made a bad decision, the trick is to put it behind me and not let it define me. It is a daily decision to continue moving forward.

I am NOT going to quit!

My First WW Meeting

There are some very sweet ladies at work who have recently started Weight Watchers. It is nice that our group is growing. I've got people around me who are starting down the same path I have been on since July of last year. It is TOTALLY COOL! We are going to help each other.

I was talking with one lady about how nervous she was to go to her first meeting. She said she was going to sit on the back row and swore she would not say a word!

It reminded me of my first meeting. I went with Tracy – I needed someone to hide behind. We sat on the back row. I didn't say ANYTHING, and prayed the entire time that no one would notice me.

WHEW! Sweet success. The meeting ended, and I was able to slip out quietly.

I was terrified and nervous, but mostly I told myself that I would never be able to relate to these people. They were strong and every single one of them was thinner than me. I think that even if someone in that room had weighed 500 pounds, I would have seen them as being smaller than me.

I felt like I was at some goofy Amway meeting where everyone was cheering everyone for even the tiniest of successes. Give me a break! Are these people serious!?

Well, I kept going. Everyone talked about the strength they gain from the meetings. It took me a long time to understand. It is a time to encourage one another. I got encouragement; and eventually, I GAVE encouragement!

I've grown! That sounds so funny thinking about growing while I'm trying to get smaller. But I did. I realized small successes, then larger successes, and most importantly, consistent successes. And now I see the benefit of the meetings. I'm being held accountable, and I'm helping to hold others accountable. We are learning TOGETHER!

And I've got something to teach other people.

 

“Working” the Plan

One of the nice things about Weight Watchers is that I can eat anything I want, as long as I have the points. Of course, they recommend that I follow the "Good Health Guidelines" – suggested daily servings of dairy, protein, oil, fruits, vegetables, etc. I'm sure you get the idea.

I could eat a doughnut for breakfast, a sub sandwich and chips for lunch, and wash it down with a baked potato and grilled chicken for dinner. Of course, I still have a few points left for a one-point Weight Watcher bar (yes, they come in chocolate and are quite tasty) and some 100-calorie popcorn before turning in.

Yay me. I've stayed within my points. However…..

I've missed the point of the entire program.

I chose Weight Watchers because I felt it was the one program that would guide me towards a new, healthy lifestyle. Fortunately for me (if you can call any of this good), I'm going to be on this program for a long time. I'll have plenty of time to identify areas of improvement and lots of time to work on them.

I've been doing better on getting in two daily servings of dairy. No, I'm not perfect, but definitely making progress.

Now, I'm trying to add more fruits and veggies. Did you know you're supposed to have FIVE or more servings a DAY! Good GRIEF! No wonder I'm overweight! I would rather have pretzels than an apple, or m&m's instead of grapes. And yes, I would rather have a hamburger or a piece of pizza instead of a salad.

Periodically, there will be times for pretzels, candy, and even hamburgers. But it's about time that I start doing what is better for me long term, than feeding my insecurities with junk that will only lead to my demise.

Who knows? Maybe I will even teach my kids to eat well.

My Ultimate Goal

I love to read, and one of the things that helps keep me focused on my long-term goals is reading books about weight loss. I'm not talking about books that talk about what kinds of foods to eat or suggest 101 different foods that you can fill up on and not gain weight. I want to read about how the path other people took. What did they tell themselves? How far did they come? How hard was it for them? What made them successful?

Since so much of this journey is a battle in my mind, it helps to always be armed with stories of success and the victors' tricks for success. Remember, it's about playing new, updated and positive tapes in my head and getting rid of the negative chatter. So, as I find something valuable, I'm going to grab onto it and share it.

Tonight's jewel is about setting goals, and it comes to us from Dr. Phil. I feel like I should offer a disclaimer that I don't buy into everything he teaches, nor do I care for all the sensationalism surrounding his show. However, what I have read (and am reading) about weight loss is rock solid.

Early in his book – The Ultimate Weight Loss Solution – he invited me to write down my goals in this journey. As any good dieter would have guessed, I wrote down how many pounds I wanted to lose. Spot on, right?? Keep reading.

Following my goal, I was to write the things that I was (and am) willing to do to achieve my goal:

• Attend Weight Watcher Meetings
  
• Track everything I eat
  
• Eat healthy foods
  
• Aerobic exercise 5 times a week
  
• Strength training 3 times a week
  
• Cooking meals for my family
  

You get the picture.

Then, I was to ask myself how I would feel after doing all those things and achieving my goal. My response – I'm going to be healthy and confident. I'm going to have rediscovered that person inside me who KNOWS (without any doubt) that I am amazing.

THAT, Dr. Phill says, is my goal. Weight loss is simply one tool to help get me there. And now, THAT has become my focus.

Shut UP, little voice

I've really been struggling with my self-esteem today. Those feelings of not being good enough, talented enough, pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough – I could go on and on and on. I'm not assertive enough, not determined enough, organized enough… OK, voice inside my head…. STOP!!!!!

I know that these feelings are silly. I can think of several positive adjectives to describe me – caring, compassionate, responsible, intelligent, and giving. WOW, just trying to come up with a list is hard tonight. Every time I add another descriptor, that little voice in my head laughs at me and tries to convince me otherwise.

My kids think I'm pretty amazing. My husband loves me. My parents are proud of me. I have all kinds of friends who would run to my rescue at a moment's notice. And my Father is the creator of the universe! Why then, am I having such a difficult time being content – finding that place where I am satisfied?

Somewhere along the way, I stopped being confident in myself. (Being overweight will definitely do that to you.) I lost that person inside me who KNEW that she could do anything she put her mind to. And now, I find myself looking to people around me to validate me. It's crazy; because I'm looking to the wrong people.

So, how do I get beyond this? I will continue to ponder and let you know what I discover. What I do know is that I will find my way. All I have to do is take one tiny step forward – and that makes me stronger. And tonight, being honest about my feelings is a pretty good step forward.

I'm going to hold to that. I'm going to remember that I don't have to be perfect, just moving forward.

Victory at Sam’s

I have to share a small victory that I had this evening. As I think back thru what happened, it really seems silly, the details so simple, almost foolish.

I should know by now NEVER to go grocery shopping on an empty stomach. But as is my habit, when I need to pick up stuff from Sam's, I go after work on my way home. It is usually no big deal. But tonight I was hungry. And not the kind of hungry that sees all those samples of jalapeno poppers, buffalo chicken wings, or mini quiches and wants to snack. That's head hungry. I was stomach-growling, planning-exactly-what-I-was-going-to-eat-when-I-got-home hungry. Samples were going to be just the beginning.

But were there any samples? No, of course not.

So, I get my groceries, get checked out, and am standing in line at the snack bar to get my kids their dinner requests. Nathan wanted a Nathan's hotdog (He could care less about the brand name. I, however, think it's neat) and Hannah wanted a ham and cheese sandwich. Simple enough, right?

WRONG!

While I stand there, and wait and wait and WAIT for them to fix the sandwich, one of the ladies brings out a fresh, beautiful, incredibly appetizing pepperoni pizza. (Did I mention that I was STARVING?!) Forget that it was pizza, but this thing was LOADED with piping hot, melting mozzarella cheese!

I stood there and considered food suicide. I really, REALLY wanted a bite (REALLY, who here believes that I would have stopped with one bite?). It looked so delicious, and I was so hungry! It was calling to me.

Then, some stupid little voice from deep within me reminded me that I had a very good piece of chicken and a baked sweet potato waiting for me at home. Nope. That's not enough to distract me from the beauty that is this pizza staring longingly after me. It needs me as much as I need it. Seriously??

OK, strategy number two – tomorrow is weigh-in day. Do I want to get on that scale tomorrow with all that cheese hanging off my bum? That did it. No pizza for Kathy. But I had to remind myself over and over and OVER that short-term sacrifices (my turning my back on that lonely, oh-so-needy piece of pizza) will lead to long-term gain.

And today, that long-term gain has absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact that I want to be healthy. I want to look GOOD. And I'm gonna.

A Blah Weekend

I wish I could say that my recovery from Saturday morning was quick and simple, that I got right back on it and was completely focused for the remainder of the weekend. I can't say that. I didn't. This weekend was just blah!

The weather was overcast. The temperatures were lower than usual, and it rained most of the weekend. In my book, perfect weather for rest and recuperation. But not for me, and not this weekend.

Food items included M&M's, popcorn, doughnuts, and cookie dough. I just couldn't shake the blahs. I didn't want to take care of anyone, including myself. So I slept and sat around and watched television. My poor kids; what a terrible example.

While I ate several things that I shouldn't have, I didn't lose direction completely. Believe it or not, I counted every single point of every single thing that I put in my mouth. I'm not sure of my motives. Did I want to beat myself up over it all week? Did I want to see how far I could get to the edge and not go over? Or was this an attempt at hanging on for dear life to what I know to be the right path?

My guess is that I was trying to be "bad" without completely throwing in the towel.

No matter. Today is a new day. I am going to refocus and get myself going in the healthy direction. If I can't do it for myself, then I most certainly can do it for Hannah and Nathan. They deserve a healthy mom. They need to see an example of someone who commits to something and WORKS at it – no matter how hard and no matter how long.

So, today, just as I'm getting started, I receive my verse of the day, reminding me of the truth:

"Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again - my Savior and my God!" (Psalms 42:11, NLT)

Good is good, all the time.

Starting out in a bad mood

Lest anyone think I've got this thing all figured out, I don't. If I have somehow made anyone think that this journey is easy, it isn't. And if you think I've got it all together to win this battle, remember it's a day-by-day struggle, sometimes minute by minute.

I woke up this morning ill – not sick, not feeling bad – just ill. To be honest, I'm tired of having to make all the decisions. I'm tired of having to take care of everyone else, and feeling like there's no one looking after me. Irrational, stupid feelings, I know. But they are mine. I feel that way this morning, and I promised I would be honest throughout my journey.

So, for breakfast? Scrambled eggs, hash browns and a half of a doughnut. You know what? Food did NOT MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER!!!!

Even though I told myself that I deserved to have what I wanted, that I didn't always have to sacrifice, I still didn't feel any better after I fed my emotions. Because I can't stuff my emotions away with food.

So today, I've got some mental stuff to work through. I'll be back.

The Best Way Out

Encouragement can come in the simpliest of places.

Take a look - The Best Way Out is Always Through.

I don't have to be perfect. Just gotta keep moving forward. It's really just that simple.

Moving beyond mistakes

Two weeks ago, I hit a brick wall. I came face to face with a significant mistake that has cost me greatly. The realization left me doubting my strength and questioning my worth. The consequences left me alone – at least that's what I convinced myself. It was a scary place. Do I have the strength to take this journey by myself?

I made it that next week without feeding my emotions. For that I was grateful.

I was able to share my hurt with my mom. For her, I am grateful.

I sat at the feet of my Savior. For Him, grateful doesn't even begin to cover what I feel.

Every day, I have the opportunity to start over. Every day, I have the chance to do my best. Every day, I can make a difference not only in my life, but also in the lives of the people around me.

One of the promises I made to myself for this year, 2010, was that I was going to return to my passion, to writing. Recently, I stepped away from that. I stopped doing something that I love. Why, because I didn't want to think about how bad I felt. But if I'm going to grow, I have to be honest – even when it hurts.

This journey is about a stronger, healthier me. I'm stepping back into it. I'm taking care of myself.

I deserve it.

Yay Me!!!

Finally!! I have passed the 60 pound mark!! 60.8 pounds to be exact and I am VERY PROUD OF MYSELF!!!

The move from 50 to 60 pounds has been excruciatingly painful. On February 5, my weight loss reached 50 pounds. That was thirteen weeks ago. Thirteen weeks! The longest thirteen weeks that I can remember. But I've done it. I've moved beyond the dreaded 50's. Now I can move on.

When I reached 50, it was weird. I was excited, but it was such a milestone that I was left wondering, "Now what?" It had an odd effect on me mentally. I still can't explain it. I wasted so much time wandering about. I still wanted to lose. I continued trying to lose, but not with the focus that I had previously. After all, I'd already achieved a lot.

From these last few weeks, I've learned that once I reach a goal, I have to IMMEDIATELY set the next one. If I don't, I will flounder around with no real direction. But with a specific goal, I have a place I want to be – something to work towards.

So I'm going to walk the walk and set a specific goal. I'm even going to share it. My next milestone will come at 82 pounds. Odd number? No worries. It means something to me, and it will be the third major tier of my overall journey.

But that goal is for tomorrow. For today, I'm going to enjoy where I am. I'm proud of myself – a feeling that's been a long time coming.

Blessings from Friends

Friends make life enjoyable. I am blessed to have so many people who care about me and about my well being. Today, I got to see several people for whom I care a lot about – people that I haven't seen for several months. And they were all so encouraging to me! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Today I learned that there are quite a few people following my journey through this blog. How awesome is that! I am hopeful that the steps I take can bless each and every one of you in some small way.

As someone who has, for most of her life, wanted to write, it is a RUSH for people to say that they are reading my stuff. SWEET!!

It was also nice for those same people to notice that I have changed – that I am getting smaller. Yes, I know I still have a long way to go, but I'm going to enjoy the successes I am having along the way. Thank you ALL for the encouragement.

People are often hesitant to tell someone that they look good because they have lost weight. I can see how the wrong words could hurt someone's feelings. But good grief, there's so much negative in the world, let's just give out compliments when we can. And when you're given a compliment, accept it. It feels good. Enjoy it – especially if it is from losing weight. I promise you that you deserve it.

Anyway, I just wanted to take a moment to say thanks to all the people who have, and continue to, encourage me along my journey.

And while I'm at it, this blog is interactive. Feel free to make a comment, share a thought, or ask a question. You never know who you might encourage as you walk along your own path. We can walk, and grow, together.

Life's too short not to enjoy your journey.

Head Trash

I had a sweet, sweet friend tell me that she had fallen off her diet and couldn't get her head around getting back on track. I felt bad for her. I wish I had some magic words to help her.

I started thinking about how hard it is to get into the mindset to "go on a diet".

THEN, I hoped that I could keep focused long enough to meet my goals.

And FINALLY, I came to realize that this is my entire life. I'm going to have to learn how to live within these new rules – FOREVER!

To be honest, that thought really sucks. It all translates to no more Mexican cheese dip, chips, or fajitas. It means no more deep dish pizza. No more fried chicken, yeast rolls, ice cream, carrot cake. You name it. My life is going to be a life of complete and total deprivation.

Seriously??? Do you see how quickly my thoughts deteriorated to something destructive? Ok, Kathy, get a grip. Play the GOOD tapes.

This new lifestyle is about making better choices. I can have anything I want, as long as I have it in moderation. And, my life – going forward – is no longer going to be dictated by FOOD. It is going to be about making great memories for me, my family, and my friends. I MUST take control of my thoughts and my decisions and get healthy.

What about my friend? What can I offer to help her get back on track? To help her start those good tapes playing in her own head?

Focus on making a single decision that moves you toward your goal. You don't have to be perfect and make all the right decisions, right out of the gate or any time. Just make one simple change. And the next day, the next week, the next month – keep making changes. It's all about moving forward. It's about the journey. It's about YOU, caring enough about YOU.

Let's all stop trying to be perfect. Let's simply make tomorrow a little better than today.

Focus on Dairy

As I have chosen Weight Watchers to help me heal my body, I think it's about time that I followed the process in its entirety. It doesn't do me any good to stay within my points if I don't eat the right kinds of foods. Nor would it do me any long-term good to eat the right kinds of foods if I were going to sit on my butt all day long. And even exercise cannot be the stand-alone piece of the puzzle that returns me to health.

A key piece of Weight Watchers is eating the right combination of foods. There are good health guidelines to include liquids, dairy, fruits, vegetables, vitamins, whole grains, good oils, and proteins on a daily basis. Leaning on one area and ignoring another will not bring me to a sustainable level of health.

Liquids are the easiest for me. I'm supposed to have 6-8 eight ounce glasses of liquid each day. And since that doesn't necessarily have to be water, I have ABSOLUTELY no problem here. I am a heavy drinker – Diet Coke is my constant companion. Yes, I drink too many; but right now, let's consider this area covered. I'll work on the "water switch" later.

Then comes Dairy – 2-3 portions daily. I haven't been doing so well here. I don't care for milk; and unfortunately, a daily serving of Mexican cheese dip isn't such a good idea. I definitely need help in this area.

So, this week, I am going to focus on dairy. I'm going to make a strong effort to increase my daily servings and to make changes that I can live with on a long-term basis. Here are a few ideas and each count as a single serving:

Weight Watchers ice cream – they have some amazing flavors. My favorites are the cookies and cream chocolate ice cream bar and the round chocolate ice cream sandwich. Yes, I love chocolate. And these two items are so good that I don't think about the fact that I'm not at Cold Stone Creamery having something decadent, yet incredibly fattening.

Laughing Cow low-fat cheese wedges – my favorite is garlic and herb, eaten in the middle of the afternoon with some pretzels. There are several other flavors; and these can be added to a sandwich, spread on whole-wheat crackers, or even used to disguise the crunchy raw mini carrot. (I LOVE carrots, but cooked please!!)

Yogurt, the low fat version, of course – There are so many different varieties of yogurt that there shouldn't be any opportunity for boredom to creep in. Flavors range from mixed, exotic, or tropical fruits to popular pies (Boston cream, key lime, chocolate mousse).

If you have other suggestions for adding dairy to my daily life, I'm all ears.

Nature’s Checks and Balances

From guest blogger Tracy -

Plateau is such a dirty word. But really, they are life-giving. Life-affirming. Life-saving. It is your body asking the questions, "Are you sure? Do you mean it? Is this REALLY a good idea? Are you committed to this plan?" Etc.

Evolution has taught our bodies all about the downfalls of starvation. And so, every once in awhile, your body "checks in" to make sure you aren't starving to death, slows down your weight loss, and "rests", even "catches its breath" if you will. Nature knows what survival of the fittest is all about.

So, now what? Here you are. Stuck. Which feels an awful lot like the split second before you start rolling back down the big hill you just climbed. Reframe that thought. You are regrouping, reformulating the plan, reenergizing for the next big climb. You are teaching, training and encouraging your mind and body to accept this new body reality.

We all know the suggestions for how to break a plateau. And they are ALL relevant and helpful. Exercise more: which can mean more time, more intensity, more variety. Evaluate what you are REALLY eating: Again, are you eating more, eating less, those choices are also affected by the healthiness of your food choices. I won't list out that other plateau-possibilities, because most of us can recite them ad nauseum. Our own little excuse/blame mantra for why we are "stuck".

I would like to propose the following. I am not on a plateau. My body is adjusting to the new me. The new number of calories I actually need to survive. The new number of calories I burn even when at rest. My metabolism is refiguring, well, everything. And I am going to take this time to restructure and reevaluate what it takes to move this new, improved, "lesser" me forward.

So, thank you body. Thank you for bringing me this far along my journey. Of course you may rest for a moment. I'll be right here making good choices, and when you've caught your breath, we shall step out together again. I am sitting on a metaphorical bench, ready to resume this journey I have begun with my renewed body.

These words are typed with an infusion of love, power, and energy for my wonderful friend, Kathy.

Hugs, TLC

Rejoice when you face trials

I work hard to be grateful for whatever God allows in my path – even in the "winter" of my weight loss process. It's tough when you feel like you are working hard/following the rules and seeing no reward. Weight Watchers calls is a plateau. (I still HATE that word.)

Thankfully, today's Bible verse was perfectly applicable and incredibly timely, "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance." –Romans 5:3

A plateau is defined as a sudden slowing, or even stoppage, of weight loss. It's frustrating because you feel like you are doing everything correctly, but you see no results. You exercise. You watch what you eat. But still, no consistent forward progress.

I've been wandering through my own plateau; honestly, it feels like I am stumbling around in a dry, hot, lonely desert.

One week I gain; the next I lose. It's 2 pounds off; then 1 pound back on. One-half pound off, then 1.4 pounds on. It continued until I started to lose confidence. (Unfortunately, I didn't have THAT much confidence to begin with.) I got to the point where I was literally afraid to weigh. So, what to do?

There comes a point where you have a choice to make. Do you give up and resort back to your old ways – the times when you would comfort yourself with mounds of cookies, chips, chocolate, doughnuts, you name it? It is incredibly easy to turn back.

OR, do you continue working the plan?

Look back at today's verse. Problems and trials help me develop endurance.

Endurance is exactly what I need. If I am going to turn my life completely around, if I am going to change from being lazy and gluttonous to being healthy, active and thin, then I am going to need to endure. Let's be honest, being healthy is the benefit; but being thinner is a prize.

Endure the temptations. Endure the doubt. Endure the difficulty of making better choices. Endure myself all the way to the point where ENDURANCE turns into ENJOYMENT.