Running…

A brief bragging moment…

September 2009, it was a HUGE effort to walk around the parking lot.  I was very, VERY out of shape.  I was in bad shape, very unhealthy.

Fast forward to today, February 2011.  I jogged for the ENTIRE 30 minutes I was on the treadmill.  That is the first time I have run the entire time.  No walking to catch my breath, just solid, consistent jogging.  I ran 2.3 miles in 30 minutes.

I’ll have a lot more to say about it later, because I feel AMAZING!  AWESOME!! UNBELIEVABLE!!!  and a little bit (LOT) proud.

I’m starting to believe I might actually become a runner.  YAY me!

Another Shot of Complete Honesty

This was a good week. I tracked everything I ate. I went to the gym six days. I logged 13+ miles. So what was the result on the scale? I gained .8 pounds. Yep.

Well, there are all kinds of things they tell you in WW to help keep going when it seems like the scale has betrayed you.

• What good you do this week, you may not see on the scale until next week.
• It could be right before that magical time of the month.
• You could just be retaining fluid from recently having too much salt.

There are all kinds of theories, suggestions, other ways to encourage you when the scale doesn’t go in the right direction. But many, many times, if I will just be honest with myself, I know exactly what happened.

I knew this week would be tough as I worked hard to get really engaged in the new Points Plus program. I tracked everything I ate – which is HUGE. I stopped assuming that I could keep up with it in my head. I even stayed within my points, but I still gained.

Frustrated for a minute because I gained, I reminded myself to be honest – at least with myself.  I know what happened. I treated myself to some chocolate chip cookie dough – several nights this last week. YUM. AND I counted the cost (Points Plus).  But seriously?!!

The WW system is about balance. I can’t use half of my point allotment with junk and expect to have the desired results. I tried it; it doesn’t work. You can’t follow the law (points) without taking into account the spirit (healthy choice guidelines).

Well, what’s done is done. I’m not going to beat myself up. I made significant progress this week. I made positive changes. It will pay off.

I Deserve It

There are more times than not that I sit down after an incredibly stressful day and think to myself, I deserve the big bowl of Mexican cheese dip. I deserve the brownie dripping with rich, creamy chocolate icing. Or what about the greasy slice of pizza dripping with that amazing melted mozzarella cheese – extra cheese at that?

It makes sense, doesn’t it? I have worked hard, been stressed, and certainly deserve to treat myself with an incredibly tasty reward. Don’t you agree?

Let’s look at a different, yet parallel scenario. I overheard a conversation with a man whose doctor had discovered a spot on his lung. Fortunately, it wasn’t cancer; but it certainly caused a scare.

This man was not a regular, habitual smoker; but he did enjoy a cigar every now and again. His doctor cautioned him against continuing the cigar habit because the next time, the concern may not be “just a spot.”

The man continues to smoke his cigars. First, he’s convincing himself that one “every now and then” isn’t going to hurt anything. And second, he tells himself (and everyone around him) that he deserves it. After a long, stressful day, he deserves to sit down and relax with a single cigar.

The cigar could cause him to have LUNG CANCER! But he DESERVES his treat, his moment of relaxation.

It sounds silly when you are talking about cancer and cigars, but isn’t it the same thing when talking about overeating and heart disease, diabetes, and all the other problems brought on by obesity.

The choice is clear. I’m going to die someday, but it’s not going to be because I chose food over my health.

What do I want?

What do I want? I want doughnuts, chips, pizza, and chocolate. I want cheese dip, nachos, and milk shakes. I want to eat what I want, when I want it. But I also want to be THIN. THIN. THIN. OK, I’ll say the “correct” words – I want to be HEALTHY.

Seriously? The truth is I want to be beautiful – on the OUTSIDE!!

I want people to notice me, to say to themselves, “she looks good!” I’m not talking about the people who know me and comment that I look good compared to what I used to look like. I want to be stunning. Seriously, who doesn’t?

I want to realize the dream of that insecure little girl inside me who wants to be beautiful.

OK, now that I’ve had my selfish rant, what do I really, REALLY want? Well, that’s it. I want to be beautiful. But do I want it more than the instant gratification of that mouthful of food?

Most of the time, the answer is yes. I just have to keep remembering my target and make it my primary focus.

And don’t anybody get all worried about my getting too focused on the exterior. I know what’s important. I’ve got my head on straight. But let’s be honest, who doesn’t think about being beautiful, amazingly, stunningly beautiful, every now and then?

Up and Down, AGAIN…

The roller coaster ride continues. I weighed in Saturday morning and gained 1.6 pounds. Of course I did. Why not? The week before I had lost 2.2 pounds. It’s been the same thing week after week after week since September 25, when I crossed the 80-pound mark.

What is going on in my head? For weeks, I have felt myself losing focus.

For the first time ever, I wanted to turn around and leave the WW meeting – before it even got started. But I stayed. I’m going to continue hanging on – even if it feels like a thread.

I’m not sure where I’m at mentally. Wherever it is, I don’t like where I am. Despite it all, I remain hopeful that I will get through to the other side, and come out victorious – and hopefully thinner and healthier.

I’m going to take a break from the scale. Christmas and New Years are both on Saturday, so there won’t be meetings or weigh-ins for the next two weeks. Yes, I could weigh on another day; but I want to take the focus away from the scale – take a chance to clear my head.

The Blessing of an Upset Stomach

This morning, I am sick to my stomach. And I’m actually glad. If you recall, last night I had myself a little (LARGE) junk food feast. No reason, just because.

This morning, I am sick. My body is telling me it doesn’t like how I treated it, and that is WONDERFUL.

The old me could have eaten handfuls of cookies, candy, chips, you name it, and kept right on going. I might have felt sluggish, but not sick.

So for now, I am grateful that my body is stepping up and fighting for what is best for me – even when my head doesn’t want to make the right decisions.

Sometimes, you’ve just got to look for the small blessings. And this morning, it’s an upset stomach.

Excuses and a Clean Slate

I am totally disgusted with myself. And I’m disappointed in my progress. Once I got really honest with myself and looked at why I wasn’t making any progress, my disgust grew.

Back in September – a LLLLOOOONNNNNGGGGG time ago – I reached the 80 pound mark. What a day! What joy, enthusiasm and pride. So what did I do then? From my progress, it looks as if I have fizzled out.

I am slowly returning to my old ways. For example, I SERIOUSLY overate on junk food tonight – to the point that I felt horrible; I felt pain, even nausea. Nathan came down to the den and sat next to me on the couch with a big bag of M&M’s. I felt incredibly YUCKY, yet I still had to have a handful (or two) of candy. SERIOUSLY?!

I think I have been doing junk like that for a couple of weeks – probably many weeks. That’s why I am still hovering between 83 and 84 pounds.

I’ve got to get my head back on straight – and sooner than later – before my weight starts moving in the opposite direction.

I can make up all sorts of reasons (excuses) – having been sick, oral surgery, Christmas concert, basketball, work, Christmas shopping, the new program – you name it. But none of that counts. I’ve got to learn how to make healthy choices even during the less-than-normal times. I mean, really, how much of life actually falls under “normal”.

I feel like I’ve lost my motivation. I feel like I’m slipping. I look forward to the time when I am on the other side of this desert so I can go back to encouraging other people.

OK, here we go. Starting over right this very minute. Not waiting until tomorrow or even next week. Doing it NOW.